Annoying Life

As already stated I am not a big fan of this month. I'm just trying to survive and get through. I really don't have anyone to talk to because my mom and I both shut down and most other people think I should be over it and unaffected by the death of my father, since it's been 13 years. I think I can depend on someone and they let me down, so then the only people I can talk to are one or two friends and I feel like I tell them too much and annoy them. Which makes me feel like I'm back in high school and I hate it. This life is annoying. Just wake me up when September Ends.

It's Hard Not To Cry Over Spilled Tea

September is a hard month for me, really the "hard month" starts in August but doesn't truly hit until September 1st. This year, it's been a tough one because with all the loss that happened to those I care about in August... especially friends of mines fathers dying... I just haven't been handling it well.

You might be wondering whats going on, why I'm so down about September. On September 11th 2001 my father went into a coma after battling Leukemia for 7 months. On Sept 12th 2001 my mother and I found him in that coma and rushed to the hospital, and on Sept 13th at 2001 My father died in his hospice room at the hospital. The next days to follow are a blur, my uncle got my mom and I a hotel room so we wouldn't have to drive home that night and so we would be surrounded by family... Then the next few days were visitation and funeral... I remember neither event very well. I remember friends coming, hugging, arguments with a sibling, reading a poem I wrote for Dad when he got sick, and then going home.

September is a month where all these memories that I DO have flood back. I remember the 11th-13th so vividly, I remember dad dying, getting mad at the person that kicked me out of his hospital room just before he drew his last breath. I remember finding out my dad died and hugging my nephews because I needed to hug SOMEONE. I remember wanting to cry and not wanting to cry, trying to get a hold of my two best guy friends Joey, and Codey, so I could talk to SOMEONE.

For years I hated the month of September. I still slightly shut down even 13 years later. I get grumpy and I used to get very anti-social, until about 4 years ago when my friend Carla came in my life, she helped me get out and do things during this time, even when I didn't want to. Then I "met" my friend Brian Crowley through youtube and twitter. His birthday is in September so it's his favorite month, lol. We butt heads on the subject till my conscience got a hold of me and I apologized. Brian was supportive, suggested some sad movies to get my crying out, and then basically just advised me to continue to live my life even though it hurt. If it wasn't for Carla and Brian I would still be a mess like I used to be.

I've heard a lot this past month "It's been 13 years, you should get over it." Let me say something to these insensitive people... you probably haven't experienced loss like this, while having an already tender heart. I was 15 when my dad died, he has missed a lot of major milestones in my life that have already happened and some that haven't happened yet. It was damaging to me. It STILL hurts. I can do my best to try and not let it get to me, and some days it STILL does. I FIGHT those memories, trying to remember the good times... and most of the year I DO remember the good times but in September I fight like heck to keep the bad memories away and sometimes I lose.

This loss of a father is like having tea in my favorite tea cup, and the tea cup falling and breaking, then my tea going EVERYWHERE. It's hard not to cry over that... but I'm trying to stay strong. Right now I just need patience and understanding. Once again this year I'm making small plans... on who to spend time with but I don't know all the details yet... and I don't know how much I can take, but I'm trying and that is what matters.

Spilled Tea and Bitter Chocolate

In this life it doesn't matter how determined we are. How much we fight things always happen that make the tea and chocolate moments (to me those are the good sweet moments in life) just... horrible. Instead of the sweet moments you are attacked with spilled tea and bitter horrible chocolate. You chocolate lovers know what I'm talking about don't you? Biting into a piece of chocolate that you expect to be delicious but instead it's absolutely bitter and has a horrible after taste, and you are horrified. What about my tea lovers? Have you ever been so excited for a nice cup of hot tea only for it to slosh out of it's cup, or spill as you sit it down, or the worst ever, your cup falls to the floor and not only are you left cleaning tea (with sugar in it) off a used to be clean carpet but your also cleaning up the shattered pieces of your favorite tea cup... Thats life for you. And it's sometimes unbearable.

Some days are hard to get through, especially when something attacks that "perfect" piece of your life, that favorite cup... But you know what, just pick up those pieces, find your silver lining, if you can get all the pieces together, fix the cup, make it into a craft, and look online to see if you can find another cup like that one. Or as in life... find a way to cope with the loss or mess of that shattered piece of your life. Find a new favorite... they exist.

Try to be positive, keep your head up and know, It DOES get better! <3 nbsp="" p="">

Total-tea Inspirational :)

I know that very few people, if any, read my blog. My audience comes and goes and a lot of the people read because they've been informed that they were mentioned in my blog (like my previous posts about Playlist Fiction and a few of my friends from last years theme month posts.) Anyone who doesn't know about my theme posts, I did an entire year of theme months last year where each month had a theme and a purpose and EVERY DAY I did something to go along with that. It was amazing! I'd love to do it again in future years. But now to the point of this blog post.

I don't watch a lot of youtube videos. But I do have certain people that I do watch on youtube. I watch The Pemberley Digital videos (I'm a Jane Austen Fan through and through, so of COURSE I watch Pemberley Digital) I watch some of the youtubers, such as PetesJams, Gary C, Emma Blackery, and Carrie Fletcher. There are others too but these are my current main ones. I started out watching Carrie Fletcher a few years ago. She's several years younger than me but I felt like she was a kindred spirit to my own personality. Then I started watching Emma Blackery who seems like a "takes no crap" kind of person and I LOVE that. Why do I love this? Because I strive to be that. She's got a mouth on her but you just can't help but be amused (and absolutely LOVE that about her), because...well, She's Emma! Next is PetesJams... who my autocorrect keeps trying to name PeeJunes. I don't know why but I think it might possibly amuse even him. Please, just don't start calling him that. haha  (no really I once nicknamed Jeremy Camp, the Christian artist, "One Post Wonder" as a joke on his Message Boards, about 15 of the other members actually started calling him that and while he was amused it ticked a LOT of people off) Then Gary C, He's just an honest and fun guy in his videos.

That being said, 3 of the 4 of these people LOVE Disney, like obsession worthy love, with a side of belting out all Disney tunes that they know which is quite possibly to any Disney tune in existence. Anyone that knows me, knows that my 28 year old self does that exact thing. In fact I've been known to go through stores belting out songs from Tangled, Frozen, Beauty and The Beast (my favorite) and so many more.  I've also been known to nickname people after certain things in Disney movies (I have 2 Exit Buddies, Finding Nemo)

Then there is Emma Blackery, if you have no idea who that is, please look her up on Youtube (look them all up actually, please)  the girl bravely shaved her head for charity, at Summer in the City. Just wow! She even said she felt like doing that she was shaving all the bad things out of her life. The girl is legendary in my mind just for that brave and strong act. She's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Each of these people are inspiring in their own ways. They are young adults, and their audiences are young teens and older. I consider myself among those of their older fans and I'm just thankful for each of them.

Carrie has recently put up a few videos that are PERFECT for where I'm at in my life, as I try to grasp at a small bit of happiness, then she's filmed videos with PetesJams that have just been amazing, their I See The Light video is absolutely amazing. Beyond that, she just did videos with Gary C. She is finishing up her first book and she's Eponine in Les Mis currently (again, if you know me you know I LOVE Les Mis and that Eponine has always been my favorite)

Pete, Gary, and Emma I haven't really been watching as long but I can tell you this about all 4 of these people. Our world is always looking for people to make it a better place and the Youtube community is full of people like that. These 4 (and Dodie, another great youtuber) as well as many others are a great example of that.

I'm so inspired right now. I've been out of college for 4 years, searching for a job and coming up short every time. Trying to hold onto myself in the midst of so many trials that fling at me... and it's been hard. So very hard. Getting rejected from having my dream job because I'm female, or because I'm an unmarried female, then because I may not tithe all the time (I give money to church when I can, but I mean it's hard to tithe when you don't have a job. God gets that, why can't churches? Why can't people except that when you can't tithe money at least you try to tithe TIME?!) Anyway my dream job for those of you who might be new, was once Youth Ministry. I don't really have one anymore though, unless you count finally finishing a book, which my ADD will mostly not allow.

I've been thinking of starting to make videos and actually vlog on my youtube channel. But I just don't know. I think I might just leave it to these amazing inspirational people. Besides, a Kentuckian hick accent is less enjoyable than British accents any day! lol! But...

The point is, these 4 and so many other youtubers are so very inspirational and I'm so thankful for them. I'm thankful for the smiles they bring to my face and the faces of so many others, I'm thankful for the tears they've helped me shed just when I needed to, and I'm thankful for them understanding what I'm going through when it feels like no one else does, even though they don't even know they are doing it. It's amazing how you can feel understood by people who live so far, people you've never met, people who don't have the same background as you at all but you are all united by something. Even if it starts with being united by youtube.

I doubt they'll ever see this, and that's completely fine. But I just wanted to say thank you, and it would be amazing if I got to meet you all one day and give each of you hugs. Until then though, to Emma, Gary, Carrie, Pete, Dodie, and any other amazing youtubers:

That will have to do! haha 

To any of their viewers reading this. Thanks for going on this viewer journey with me, you are all fabulous and amazing and I'm so glad that you understand how inspirational they are too! 

Okay well this post is long enough. haha Sorry! Thanks for sticking with it though, you are BEAUTIUL ! 

Thanks to google images for the fun pic addition. 

Until next time, 

-Lynnea (thats pronounced like ReNae but with an L) 

Gluten Free Vent

It's been almost 2 years since my mother and I learned we have a gluten sensitivity, and in that time I've been mostly faithful to my gluten free diet, giving in only when I'm with friends and having dinner at their house or at my house with them... This has served me alright, I would get sick and get over it a day or two later, it was fine, I could still function... but now... it's different.

My gluten allergy is worse. I had gluten two nights in a row (not the first time I've done that) almost 2 weeks ago... And I'm STILL sick, I'm STILL flushing the gluten out of my system. I decided that as it seems I'm getting closer and closer to Celiac I have decided, no more gluten for me! I have to go on an absolute strict diet eliminating ALL gluten. The thing is people aren't being all that understanding, there are a couple of people that have said when I am at their house they will fix only gluten free foods, others are asking why they have to care so much, others are saying I have to make my own gluten free food. Others...are not being very kind. And I've had about enough.

If you had an allergy that completely changed the way you've been living for 20+ years how would you feel? Don't you think people should be more understanding and respectful?

When it comes out that someone in you company has a peanut allergy, isn't it a fact that if that allergy is so bad they can't even be in the same room with the stuff, we do something about it! We fix the problem because LIVES are at stake here. Here is the deal with someone with Celiac or a severe gluten intolerance, if they eat something with gluten in it there body does not respond well, it is slowly killing them. It's not as fast acting as peanuts to someone with that allergy but it's still toxic and it COULD still equal death. Now, most times it wont effect them if something with gluten is in the same ROOM...but if they put that in their bodies... get ready for a crap load of bad stuff to happen. Be respect of the gluten free, people. Chances are, those of us who are rather new are really struggling with it. I can't even tell you how many times I've cried over the last two weeks, realizing just how much my life has to change. It's sad, and it's scary, Support us. Please.

Beau-tea!

So for the last few days I've been very sick, thanks to a gluten intolerance that I'm learning is getting worse. Yesterday I decided to have a nice Hot relaxing bath, some wine, and just relax. Today I continued the trend  doing a dance workout this morning then later soaking my feet in my foot massager, giving myself a mani/pedi, facial, and makeover. I also did my hair, had a cup of tea and enjoyed a movie and some yummy healthy food! It was healing! 

Beauty is a simple thing to accomplish, just by following our own beauty steps, doing what makes YOU feel beautiful. Have a spa day at home, watch a movie, take a bubble bath, drink some wine, workout. Whatever makes you feel good. If you are having a rough time, feeling sick just do something like that. It'll feel like you are healing from the inside out. 

I love tea, most often when I'm feeling lousy I'll have green tea and feel myself calming. Find your favorite beverage and just go out. Have yourself a Beau-tea day ;) 

Quali-tea food with a healthy twist

My mother and I have found out in the past few years that we have thyroid disease. Beyond that we're noticing that we can't eat certain foods (soy, wheat/gluten, milk- though we have known about milk the longest) But the thing is when so many things are cut out of your diet what is left? How can food be made exciting and not bland or boring, but still healthy? We've been on a search for the answers to these questions and this is what we've found. Below you'll see a pickle dog and a "sandwich" that is tuna salad and lettuce. The options are healthy but they taste OH SO GOOD! We have even eaten our cheese burgers with lettuce buns. So these options are gluten free but quali-tea! :) If you are looking for some great healthy options give these a try they are simple, quick, and yummy with a side of good for you. :) I want to tell EVERYONE I know about this because I believe it's important to take care of ourselves and to give our bodies the food they need in the best way that we can. Enjoy this post and I hope you enjoy the yummy food too :)