Counterproductive

So as I was writing the book I just published

The Silver Butterfly By Lynnea Squires Paperback

The Silver Butterfly By Lynnea Squires Paperback on Amazon

The Silver Butterfly By Lynnea Squires on Kindle

There are some stories that I've left out, these stories were not mentioned in the book for good reason and today I want to share one of them because I feel it's important to share even though it's a little counterproductive.

I mention briefly my severe anxiety, placing a lot of stock on the concept of overcoming. I have overcome a lot in my life concerning my ACC, and I continue to be an overcomer. That was what I wanted to bring forth in my book and I felt that sharing this would take away from that.

With my severe anxiety I had/have a lot of fears. These fears are often times almost crippling. I do not like to walk in front of the people I'm with if I'm going somewhere with a group. You will often find me in the middle of in the back of the group. If it's just me and one other person I'll only go first if I'm with a gentleman who opens the door, once we are both through the door, he gets back in front. I just don't like to be first in those situations. I also hate making phone calls to doctors offices, or other important things like that, I even hate ordering food on the phone.

Another thing I've always been afraid of is trying anything new.

That being said, I am an overcomer. I deal with these fears and anxieties daily. But over the last 9 years I've done a lot of things I thought I would never do. I've called hotels and made reservations, I actually speak up now and order my own food at restaurants, which is another thing I hated doing. I'm still not a fan of being first in a group but I'm getting better at accepting it when it has to happen.

I just felt like though this was important to talk about, it was better done on my blog than in my book, because it's still something that's a big issue with me, and this is one thing that I will always struggle with no matter how much I seem to overcome it.

That being said, I just want to encourage you all to keep pushing forward. Keep trying to be the best version of yourself, overcoming fears and all that. The whole act of publishing my book was me overcoming a fear! Think about that!

:) 

Reflections Over A Cup Of Lady Grey

Good Sunday Morning to you, my blog readers!

Today I'm in one of my contemplative moods as I sit on my bed, in front of my air conditioner that is on full blast. Laptop on my lap, cup of lady grey tea on my lap top desk, I am ready to leave for church in about 12 minutes. So I'll try to type this quick.

Today one of my "On this day..." Facebook posts was this:

"I met a very sweet man today- who after talking to me for only a few minutes...he told me: "Sweet girl you will go places. Your life will be something so special. You've got SO much ahead of you. I know everything will work out for you." I told him very little about what was going on and yet he still said this to me. This man was a God-send to me. Please join me in praying for both him and his wife. My conversation with him warmed my heart and I know he came into my life just when I needed to hear that the most. heart emoticon I only can hope and pray that I said something that touched his heart as well!"

This happened about 3 years ago on this day. I've never forgotten this man. I have waited for years for what he said to come true and it finally has. That being said I want to share what one of my dear friends said to me recently. Della reads my blog rather faithfully, and what she said has touched my heart in the same way that what this man above said did. She said this on.  June 23rd this year:

"Just so you know your dad would be so proud of you. You may not have found your perfect job yet, but You have so much more than that. You are the sweetest person I've ever met, you are caring, you are genuine, you love God and you're not afraid to tell anyone anything they want to know about your beliefs. You are understanding, you are kind, giving, compassionate. You're a great friend. I can always count on you for anything,and I know that without a doubt. I can trust you, and I do with my whole entire heart. You're Dad would be proud to have a daughter like you. You're not just a daughter, you're a best friend, you're a girlfriend, and now you're an AUTHOR!!!!!! I am so so proud of you! I'm so happy to call you my friend. You're nothing short of a blessing!"

 Everyone who knows me knows that the death of my father 14 years ago in September, hit me hard. I still struggle with it, missing him, hoping that somehow I make him proud with the choices I've mad, the way I've decided to live this life.. What she said, on that day helped me so much and I'm forever grateful.

That being said, please listen to the people that encourage you, sometimes they are speaking from the heart of God, telling you things that God wants you to hear. I know it took my life 3 years almost exactly to get to the point of being something special but self-publishing my book helped me do that. I went into the process completely blind but I did it! So many people have been negative, telling me that because I haven't found a job in 5 years I never will. But I proved them wrong. I chose to have a voice as an ACCer and make my voice heard!! You can do that too. Find that passion in your life and let nothing stop you. Let what that man said to me be true for you and I pray that you have a Della in your life to encourage you and remind you that you aren't alone, that you've got greatness in your life!

Much love to you, my butterflies!

The Fathers Day Post

So today is Fathers Day. If you know me, you know that besides celebrating my mother on this day, I mostly try to ignore it's existence though I do wish all the fathers I know a very happy Fathers Day.

My father died when I was 15, about 14 years ago (in September) It was long ago but I still mourn that loss. I was 15 meaning that the major milestones in my life were all missed by him, starting with a girls right of passage, the Sweet 16. This missing of the major milestones continued through high School then college graduating and now the release of my first book. They well continue on through my wedding day, or having my first child if those things ever happen.

So on this day I usually choose to miss church. The celebration of fathers at church services on this day is usually just too much for me to handle, and I end up spending hours crying, hours I would rather spend doing something productive. So today I'm proofing my book. Thankfully it's a very short book so I'm almost done  with the reading part of it, then to make the changes that need to be made.

I do wish all fathers a VERY HAPPY FATHERS DAY, though. You are loved and we are thankful for you. :)

The Moment It's Real

Everyone who knows me from facebook, twitter, this blog, or in person knows about what's going on in my life right now. I just finished and published my book The Silver Butterfly.

The Silver Butterfly is about growing up with ACC. It exists to spread awareness about the disorder and to let other ACCers know they are not alone.

Currently the Kindle version is the only version out. You can find it here:The Silver Butterfly by Lynnea Yancy Squires

You can like my new Author page here: Lynnea's Facebook Author Page










That being said... It's time to announce something. My proof copy just came in the mail!









That's right! It's real... I can hold my book in my hands!! I'm feeling so amazed and blessed right now.

At first, yes, I knew my book was out and available for others to read but now I get to read the proof copy and in a matter of days or weeks my book will be in paperback!! Just... Wow! 

Hopefully you've bought a copy if not please do. If you are waiting for the paperback it'll be here soon!! 

Be careful what you say, you never know who will see it.

Okay so I'm not afraid to admit I'm about to be slightly hypocritical here.

But it can't be helped.

In the midst of all of this "The Silver Butterfly" promotion, I am getting supported by many people. I'm blessed and thankful beyond words.

However, as with anything, there are comments that are less than pleasing from people who

A. Haven't yet read my book.
and
B. Have never understood me, nor cared to even try.

I knew this was going to happen.

The main comment I'm going to mention is  "I had her in class she was ill frequently."

Now this may not seem like a huge deal to anyone. But it was to me. Let me explain the situation.

My sophomore year in High School, was a very difficult year. In September of that year my father, who had cancer for 7 months, had passed away. So, in addition to being a teenager I was also at this point extremely depressed. However, that is not why I was ill... no, around the same time I had begun to have horrible pains in my abdomen, pains that would bring me to the ground. Each month there was an area of about 5+ days that I would have to leave school early (if you are a woman you'll understand why, and since I singled women out a man should even understand why) In this woman's class, on one particular occasion I was in so much pain that I needed to leave the classroom immediately and she REFUSED to let me leave. I had kindly raised my hand to ask to be excused and she ignored me for 10 minutes! Finally I asked to leave after my 3 best friends got her attention. Due to the excruciating pain they all walked me to the office (one on each side and the other behind me, making sure I wouldn't fall) It was after that day I was told I may have had a cyst on my ovaries that burst, then told I had endometriosis. I'm not afraid to admit that it was also during this time that I had been constipated for the majority of a 6 year period BUT this was not what made me ill frequently, meaning the cause wasn't my brain disorder, as assumed in the above comment, but it was a female issue.

Seeing that comment by someone that has yet to take the time to read my book, Someone who never took the time to care for me, who judged me back then and neglected me when I was in need of medical attention... made me so angry.

Now, I'm guessing, and almost hoping she thought I would never see that comment. Because if she didn't think that, then she obviously doesn't see that saying I was ill frequently is an issue.

ACC isn't about being ILL FREQUENTLY... well at least not for me. In fact I've always been described as very healthy. I had endometriosis once, I've had 4 knee surgeries, my gal-bladder removed and yes I SOMETIMES have chronic constipation brought on by my ACC... but I rarely am actually sick or "ill." I am a high functioning ACCer and I think it's disrespectful to those who are worse off than me, to say that about me.

I don't want this opinionated post to make anyone angry or to cause anyone to not want to read my book my desire here is the same as the one I had writing The Silver Butterfly. To spread awareness. To make people see that snap judgments like the one in this comment are wrong. My "illness" was from a female issue not a brain disorder. Pinning it on that is not fair to myself or other ACCers. I exist to spread the knowledge of ACC, to make sure people know when they are wrong. As I am not in contact with this woman and ran across her comment because someone else had kindly shared my post, this was my best outlet. Really... it always IS my best outlet because I can reach more people this way to let them know the fact that we ALL need to be careful what we say because you never know who will see it (or even hear it.)


Don't make snap judgments at others like that.

Let me be clear about one more thing before I go. I have no ill feelings toward this woman. I forgave her long ago for what happened in her class room. But once that comment was made, for others to see... I felt as though I needed to make others aware of the whole situation. For myself as a means to release any bad feelings that COULD come back up because of that... AND to stand up for my fellow ACCers the ones that have many more problems than I do, the one that spend time in hospitals or have to live in assisted living because they need more attention than me. I'm not saying I don't have my own issues brought on by my ACC but during that time in my life, those issues are not the ones that had me "frequently ill" I did not appreciate her saying that and I wanted desperately to set the record straight.

That being said, PLEASE buy my book The Silver Butterfly, so that you can enter a greater understanding of what ACC is, and who I am as an ACCer.


The Silver Butterfly by Lynnea Yancy Squires

The Silver Butterfly

It's here! I have released my first book! So excited to share this with everyone.

You can "like" me on facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/LynneaYancySquiresAuthor?fref=ts

You can buy my book on amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/Silver-Butterfly-Lynnea-Yancy-Squires-ebook/dp/B00ZTEPLE2/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1434547114&sr=1-1

I'm so excited to have my book available for others to read, FINALLY. I've been working on this thing for over a year. You can click on those links to read more about it. I'll be posting more about it as time goes on and when the paperback becomes available!

I look forward to seeing reviews.