My September Jam

I'm honest about a lot in this life and one thing I'm most honest about is that September is not my month. From September 1st to about Sept 16th I completely shut down, am easily agitated, and just difficult. I try not to be, I fight it hard.

I know a lot of it comes from keeping everything in, I always have and probably always will. But I remember things during this month.

The death of my father placed a cloud on my moms and my life. With the recent book publish and wonderful and in my life I'm only just starting to see the sun again in that area of my life. It's been 14 years.

I posted something on facebook a few days ago that describes it the best for me:

Disclaimer before the post: I'm not posting this for sorrow or pity, or even to ask for prayer. I'm posting this because it's on my heart and I want to get it out. But also because I know there are others out there that will understand. More than that there are people out there that need this for their own situations. They haven't quite found the strength I've found, they need to hear someone else is struggling, but that because someone else has made it through, they can too. So, here it goes...

This is the time of year that I absolutely hate the calendar because no matter how much I fight it, I find myself counting the days until the 11th-13th of September, and not in a good way. People say it should get easier, and it does in a sense. 14 years ago I dreaded every day as my dad's health declined and dreaded them even more after he died. Now I only dread the days he was in a coma, died and the days leading up to his funeral. But I know they are coming and that's what makes it hard. The memories flood back and nearly drown me in the sorrow, as I fight to keep my head above water and swim for my life back to the safety and happiness of what my life has now become and more than that to the safety of my heavenly fathers arms. I know that once the "crap days" as I call them pass everything will be alright. Just as much as I don't want to remember the pain and sorrow I felt at 15, I do want to remember my fathers last words to me. I do want to remember how my family, HIS family came together after he died, how we held each other. I do not want to remember harsh words spoken to me by some family, or even by some peers.

So anyone going through loss, whether old or new, you are not alone. All loss is different, every person is different. But one truth holds firm, loss in any form is hard, it stinks, but somehow, some way, you get stronger, even when you don't want to. My love and prayers are with you and if you need someone to talk to, send me a message. For all the pain my dad's cancer and death caused, it's like a friend of mine told me once, my dad didn't survive cancer but my mom and I survived it as his caretakers. Because we survived we can now help others.

Why do I share this story, not to get attention but to spread the story of a man who once said to my mom and I "If one person comes to Christ through my story then it will have all been worth it." Isn't that profound? If we share the story of our struggles, think of the people we can help, the stories we can add to, the people that will see God through them.

____________________
Because of my September experience my September jam has been "Wake Me Up When September Ends" Then yesterday I started looking for September songs in the hopes to find one that will keep me out of this funk I get in... and I found one by Rosanne Cash, sang by her and her dad Johnny Cash. Lyrics of that are below:

There's a cross above the baby's bed,
A Savior in her dreams.
But she was not delivered then,
And the baby became me.
There's a light inside the darkened room,
A footstep on the stair.
A door that I forever close,
To leave those memories there.

So when the shadows link them,
Into an evening sun.
Well first there's summer, then I'll let you in.
September when it comes.

I plan to crawl outside these walls,
Close my eyes and see.
And fall into the heart and arms,

Of those who wait for me.
I cannot move a mountain now
I can no longer run.
I cannot be who I was then
In a way, I never was.

I watch the clouds go sailing
I watch the clock and sun.
Oh, I watch myself, depending on,
September when it comes.

So when the shadows link them,
And burn away the clouds.
They will fly me, like an angel,
To a place where I can rest.
When this begins, I'll let you know,
September when it comes.
_______________________

I can relate to this so much and just wow.... Now I've got two sad September Jams... I guess I'll have to listen to Say Geronimo all month instead. lol...

Will The Bullying Never End

Bullying comes in all shapes, sizes, ages, and situations...

Often those that get bullied are the ones who don't fit in to the perception someone else may have of normal. They may look weak to those that bully, may be naive...

But one thing I've learned in my years as both someone who has been bullied and seen others be bullied, is that as horrible as it  is, if you allow it to, it WILL make you stronger...

That being said, I'm 29 years old, I've been out of college for a little over 11 years, I've been out of college for a little over 5.

I've got a sweet face, and I look anywhere between 16-20 instead of my actual 29.

In middle school I was slightly bullied because my mom was a teacher, that being said, it was verbal and never physical. In high school my freshman year was bully free, I watched and defending some of my friends that were bullied for being special needs.

When I was in the 10th grade my father died of cancer and that is when I was bullied both at school and online (this was before cyber bullying even had a name.) People would message me telling me that it was my fault my dad died and if they had a kid like me they'd want to be dead too. It made no sense, but it hurt, bad. So, I was home schooled for a year and a half. My senior year wasn't too bad. Then I took a year off between high school and college.

In college I was a youth ministry major, it was me, about 4 other girls, and classes full of guys. So the guys chose to pick on me. I thought that because I was in college the bullying would stop, but no, this was worse. The thing is most of those guys didn't realize what they were even doing till I called them on it in a sermon my senior year of college. How did I do that? I preached a sermon about how everyone has a thorn in the flesh and instead of judging others for theirs we should all accept and celebrate the differences of others.

That being said, once college was over I REALLY thought the bullying was done, but the truth is, there are even some adults that bully. Just recently I bullied on social media by someone that thinks I'm a fake celiac. This time, I had so many people defending me, and I also realized that I'm stronger than I used to be. That experience in college taught me to stand up for myself instead of ignore. Ignoring works to an extent but it doesn't change how the words may make you feel. Standing up for yourself CAN change that though, because there is an amount of self-worth in defending yourself.

Another recent  situation is a young girl who thinks she's just "picking" people, there is a fine line between picking on someone lovingly and bullying them. That line can EASILY be crossed. When you pick on someone because you wish you had something they did- that is bullying. It might not be severe, it might not do damage, but it still hurts and you might be planting a seed of negativity that could grow to something as BIG as suicide. THINK about your actions, friends! Please.

Let's do our part in making sure that the bullying that feels like it will never end, does end, at least in our circles.

The Day That Movies, TV Shows and Books Change Lives.

I'm a sponge.

Not the kind of sponge that soaks up water, not the sponge you can find in a body of water.

But still, I am a sponge. This is not be confused with a chameleon. I do not become like those I'm around, camouflaging into my surroundings. I am my own person.

But watching movies and tv shows, and reading books... I soak up what I watch or read.

For an example, when I was just a child I LOVED old movies, you would find me watching movies like Heaven Can Wait (1943) with Don Ameche (He died in 93 on my birthday, I cried when I found out.) I was in love with him, even though he was 85 when he died, I knew him as the handsome and charming  Henry Van Cleve *sigh* Anyway, I'm digressing. Point is Heaven Can Wait and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)

In both Chitty Chitty and Heaven Can Wait there are different variations of "They kissed so that means they now have to get married." I didn't realize until watching both of these movies as an adult that they shaped my view on that matter, but my parents spent most of my teen years teasing me about how as a kid, whenever I watched a movie where a couple would kiss I would gasp and say "Now they have to get married!"

^A Sponge.

When I graduated college in 2010 I was very depressed by October of that year, having not found a job I started my own Jewelry business, but more than that I found this amazing show that had been canceled earlier in the year, Ugly Betty. The story of a young woman, considered ugly by the fashion world, thrust into that exact world as the assistant to a womanizer. The show is full of the ups and downs of these two people, from opposite worlds. It saved me from deep depression. I soaked up the show, learning life lessons from it, that it would take pages to write about, but that's not the point of this post. Charmed was the same way. General life lessons, and also time management lessons, they came from these shows.

Books are another thing I am a sponge about. I have four favorite books of all time that I've read tons of times each. Pride and Prejudice and Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen, The Rescue by Nicholas Sparks , and Sophie's Heart by Lori Wick. They've taught me so much about patience, kindness, naivety, and many more things.

Sometimes being a sponge is not so good. Entertainment can teach us about violence, anger, hate, especially in todays society. It's all about what we choose to surround ourselves with.

 Did anything you watched or read as a child or even adult effect you in a spongey way? (lol)

Jambo Bwana Hakuna Matata

Hello Sir, No worries.

That is what Jambo Bwana Hakuna Matata

I've seen other things that say Jambo Bwana means "Hello friend" or "Hello Mister."

But for this blog we will use "Hello Sir"

I first heard Hakuna Matata from Lion King like most children but a few years ago I was looking for different versions of the song Hakuna Matata from The Lion King. I have found a Portugese version which I love listening to. However, during that particular search that I'm speaking of I found Jambo by Boney M.

The moment I heard it, it became one of my favorite songs of all time.
Jambo Bwana Hakuna Matata 

The point of this blog is... well I'm sure you'll see soon.

As I said, one of my favorite songs, I LOVE it. My boyfriend and I often greet each other like that when we talk or see each other, just because it's fun.

Lately though I haven't been feeling so "no worries" In the midst of all the good things in life I can't help but wonder when the craps going to hit the fan. I try to not think like that. I'm happy for the first time in a very long time. I mean truly happy. I finally feel like my life is going somewhere with the publishing of my book, I've got an amazing man in my life.

However other things have been going on, the health of some of the people closest to me is declining, I recently had some gluten accidentally, I've been sick from that ever since. It's just been one thing after another and Through the whole thing Hakuna Matata has been hard to hold on to, and when I worry I worry about EVERYTHING all at once! It's like a big worry storm that wont go away until it's smacked out of me (please don't hit me, I've also had a migraine coming and going for a week now)

The point is, I want the people in my life who are sick to feel better. I want to get back to my writing, and I would like to see the boyfriend. *sigh*

I guess you and I both have to keep remembering Jambo Bwana Hakuna Matata. Have a good time, enjoy the summer (or whats left of it since schools are back in session and it's been crazy hot... falls almost hear though!)

Ta Ta! lol

Thankful, Happy, Blessed

Anyone who knows me is aware that the last 15 years have been a rollercoaster for me. First my dad got sick, then my mom broke her arm, then my dad died. Things started looking up when I was accepted at Ohio Christian University. After that I was diagnosed with Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum and I had to learn to cope with the disorder. I am still learning, daily. But then I graduated college with a degree in youth ministry, another great moment... Time to start my life. However 4 and a half years later I was still jobless, nothing was happening in my life besides making new friends every now and then.

Finally in Oct. of last year a friend of mine invited me to his church, that church is now my church, This year I started dating the most wonderful man, and then I published my first book! My life went from nothing happening to so much happening at once, and I am thankful, happy, and blessed.

It is finally my time.

I wont lie, things HAVE happened in the last 5 years, I have had 3 temp jobs that were less than part time but gave me experience behind a desk, I volunteered to be in a locally filmed movie, had one scene, and it was fun. My life hasn't been horrible, I've had blessings along the way. But these things weren't consistent and now they seem to be.

So many of my friends and family have had babies this year, or have gotten married. I've started dating a great guy, and had a baby of my own in the form of a book that I wrote AND self-published!

So if your life seems less than great, please remember that great is coming. :)

It's DCC AWARENESS DAY!

Today is the day! It's the first year for Disorders of the Corpus Callosum Awareness day but I'm so excited! I'm hoping today, to get the word out about my book even more. Beyond that just getting word about my specific disorder of the corpus callosum is important.

How exciting is that?! Also in addition to today I'm going to have a blog post on a different site later. 

The blog I was a guest on: The Tipsyverse blog post

I look forward to the happenings of today and sharing ACC with more people. Please remember that you can buy my book here: 

https://www.createspace.com/5565116

and here: http://www.amazon.com/Silver-Butterfly-Lynnea-Yancy-Squires/dp/1514385759/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1435430400&sr=8-4&keywords=The%20Silver%20Butterfly%20Paperback

and for Kindle here: 

http://www.amazon.com/Silver-Butterfly-Lynnea-Yancy-Squires-ebook/dp/B00ZTEPLE2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1435430265&sr=8-1&keywords=The%20Silver%20Butterfly%20kindle

Also, if you are promoting DCC Awareness Day PLEASE help spread word about my book today! 

Thank you so much! 

Little Known Facts

Well with the release of my book, helping mom out, and doing errands quite frequently I haven't slowed down since June 17th. I'm not complaining. I have LOVED everything that has been happening.

But something I don't really like to talk about is happening to me much quicker than normal. It's no secret that in addition to my ACC- I'm magnesium deficient, I have thyroid disease, and that I'm celiac. I'm honest about these things. I also have a deficiency in b12 and vitamin D. All of these things are quite under control thanks to meds and supplements.

However thanks to my ACC I get tired rather easy, and overdoing it like I have been doing never ends well. I will over do it and the next thing I know I'm stuck in bed for a week or more recovering.

Last night I slept for 12 hours!! 12!!! And it's  6:45 pm right now as I type this post up... I'm so exhausted that I'm seriously considering going to bed as soon as I finish typing this up. Am I confident that I'll sleep till about 7 or 8 am? yeah, very.

I'm so very excited about everything going on though. I look forward to all the things happening right now and in the future. :)

Can't wait to share them with you all. Tomorrow I'm guest blogging on a blog that I read regularly, Getting ready to have my news about my book in the local paper, I just donated my book to our local library. A lot is happening.

:) Blog At You Later