Resurrection Day and Ramblings

First, I would like to say Happy Easter, Passover, Resurrection day to each and every single one of you.

Sitting at home after service today I did some reading. I'd just come inside from being out and working on cutting some limbs down on some trees.

I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and I have to say it convicted me of something bad. Let me explain.

My entire childhood I was the girl that smiled no matter what she faced... Even when I was utterly depressed over the death of my Dad I found reasons to smile, I was the girl that found joy in the darkness... I loved being like this. But then people started condemning me for it, others would tell me (whether they knew my past or not) that I have always had it easy because I never struggled.

The truth was I struggled in silence, only those closest to me knew, and sometimes even they didn't know until later sometimes. My best friend all through high school had no idea that I was bullied all through our years in HS together, for example. She only found out about 4 years ago when I finally confessed it to her.

I've had aunts, cousins, grandparents and other family members and friends tell me that they've had it more difficult than me because they've had to go through other struggles on top of things that happened in their lives. All the while not realizing that I have gone through a lot, had struggles I just did it all silently keeping a smile on my face and my head just above water.

After hearing that for so long I began to be utterly honest about what I'm going through, when I'm going through it, how I'm going through it, and sometimes even why. Now people say I'm complaining when it's just honesty... but I would love to get back to the happy go lucky girl I one was. Perhaps I will...