Today's Motivation March: Cancer Week is all about Leukemia.
This certain cancer is one that is very close to my heart. So today's story is my fathers.
I was somewhat Freshly 15 in February 2001. (My birthday is in December.) I don't know much about when my dad was diagnosed except for he went to the doctor and they ran tests and that's how he and my mother found out. A couple of days later my dad asked us to get in the car and go for one of his nature drives. I remember we'd stopped by the post office then as my father started driving again that's when he told me he had Leukemia. I knew what it was, I'd heard of it before but I still asked him to explain.
As a 15 year old I wasn't really all that naive. What little naivety I had left disappeared when my father told me he had cancer. The next 7 months were both slow and fast... My father was in and out of the hospital, he was in a fair share of diabetic comas and we had been afraid we were about to lose him more than once. I went from a carefree, fun loving girl to one that took care of her dying father and injured mother. My mother broke her arm in May of 2001 and it was up to me to take care of my parents.
From May 2001 on I did so many tasks. I was basically like a live in nurse. I was scared, but strong because I had to be. I saw my fathers personality change as he got worse in his cancer. He was in pain and in many ways quite angry.
I will spare the details on some of the things that happened however- other things should be told.
I'm about to recall a moment in my fathers illness that few know about but I carry the memory with me. If you get easily saddened or don't want to know about one of the scariest moments of my life...do not read on.
During my dad's Leukemia there were moments where he would kind of forget himself... and me.
In one in particular my parents and I were sitting in the living room just talking... and my dad suddenly started talking to me...
He called me Chris- the name of my sister that died when I was 5. He told me to play him something on the piano (Though I took lessons, I didn't get very far... so I'm not very good) When I told him no, but that I would play baritone (an instrument he played in his younger years, and that I started playing when I was 10) He told me "No" he said "Don't play that, don't take after me. I don't want you playing Baritone" Then he started talking to me like I was my sister. At 15 years old I was so afraid, I'd never seen this happen before... I began to tear up no matter how much I fought it... and then my mother asked if he knew who she was... he did. And that's when he came back to us, remembering who I was... It didn't last long but it still scared me. I didn't quite understand then that it was only a matter of time.
A few months later my father, who was worse, who was no longer doing much at church, and was basically bedridden... entered a coma on the evening of Sept 11th 2001...and We found him on the 12th... Then on September 13th my father went to be with the Lord, with family surrounding him, including uncles and aunts, and my brothers as well as my mom, my pastor, and his daughter.
My father was one of the strongest men I know. He taught me how to love, how to live, how to sing, how to smile. One of the most amazing things my father said to both mom and I as he lay dying in bed is "If just one person comes to Christ after hearing my story it will all have been worth it." So I live to spread his story, to share his strength and to pass on his memory.
You never forget a parent who loves so purely. He will live on in my memory forever. There are so many good memories that I will never trade. I will never fully get over or move on from my fathers death. Though I smile at his memory there are painful memories that hurt me just as the good ones help. But I will not let my fathers memory fade. People need to hear his story of strength and triumph and know that this man fought as long as he could, as hard as he could... I'm thankful for the memory of my father and I'm praising God that he is no longer in pain.
If you or someone you love is battling Leukemia...stay strong, stay encouraging and FIGHT.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-rlnge-5Ow
2 comments:
This is beautiful, Lynnea. I'm amazed by you. I've been in this same place in life and know how terribly difficult it is and how no one really understands who hasn't sat in that chair with a father who has forgotten you--or a mother who can't focus through the pain medication and doesn't recognize you. I often said, when going through this, that I wasn't someone who ever needed reminding that life is precious or that every day was a gift. I knew it. I still know it. You have that wisdom at a young age and it will make your life something remarkable. Proud of you!
Laura Anderson Kurk
Thank you, Laura! I am thankful that others can understand what that is like, though that pain and concern and often fear, is something that I wouldn't hope for anyone to go through. I so agree, every day truly is a gift and life is so precious.
Your encouragement is encouragement that I will hold dear. Thank you again! :)
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