Searching for purpose

I have been a believer in Christ my whole life. From a young age I knew without a doubt I was called into the ministry in some way. I thought at first through music then through youth ministry. Now I don't work in the ministry at all. I'll be honest I barely go to church. I barely LIKE church or at least the people that go to church on a regular basis who call themselves Christians. Christians have become opinionated in every aspect of life and have become so focused on change that the church as a whole has changed too much and not in the right way. Watch the 3rd God's Not Dead movie if you are curious to my meaning. The church as a whole is no longer a hospital for the broken but more like a country club exclusive to the Christians that fit in their perfect box. I don't like it and I'm basically done with it.

In the last year I have lost ALL of my close friends. I know none of them anymore and I got tired of being judged and or placed on a back burner only to be spoken to if they wanted something. On occasion they'd talk to me if I needed something just to make sure I didn't lose faith in them too much. But I have.

I am hurting and it matters to no one. And that's okay because my faith in God is stronger than ever and whike people constantly fail, He never will.

The point of this though is that I don't really have a purpose anymore. I don't feel like I have a voice or a place and in searching for it I feel completely lost. So to those who know the feeling you aren't alone. We will get through this somehow.

I am reading Kind is the New Classy by Candace Cameron Bure and it's slowly helping me realize that kindness and love is a purpose I just don't know what to do with it. So if you think of me pray for me.