Outro to 2015 Intro to 2016

Another year come and gone.

So this is my goodbye to the old, hello to the new. 

I started the year in my last year of the 20s,

January was mainly uneventful.

February I traveled and my life began to change.

By April I was in a relationship with a great guy, 3 great kids quite solidly in my life, and then in June I published my first book.

After that, my year was full of promoting my book, spending time with boyfriend and kids, spending the time I could with my mom... things like that.

and now at the end of 2015 I'm 30.

I had many goals for the year.

Traveling more, CHECK.
First kiss, CHECK
Reaching my 30 pound weight loss goal, CHECK
Becoming more confident, CHECK
Publishing a book, CHECK
...

So yeah, I'm starting 2016 with a new weight loss goal in mind, 10-30 more pounds.
Growing closer to the new people that are in my life, brought on by my relationship...
Working on and hopefully publishing book #2...
Becoming a woman that my boyfriend will be even more proud to be with, more confident, loving, straight forward... just improving in all the things he already sees in me. For me more than for him.

OH! Staying in contact with all the people in my life that I love and care for.
And reading more... sewing more, cleaning more... oh and getting all of my to do list tasks completed like my own new quilt, and the vhs to dvd project as well as my book trailer and a few other things.

2015 was amazing and I hope and pray that 2016 will be just as wonderful. Thank you my Lord and Savior for everything 2015 has brought, the good because I'm happy and the bad because it's helped me grow. I love you Lord.

I love you, all of you that read my blog. I pray for you and praise the Lord for you. May your 2016 be full of blessings and love!

Until next year...
-LYNNEA :)

I'm 30!!

It’s my birthday and I’ll be old if I… wait a second…

So Today I turn 30… or as I like to think of it 03! I’m 03 again!! YEP! … okay no. I’m 30. My 20’s are officially behind me and I’m in the age group with the likes of… well… everyone my age!

When I turned 29, I was dreading 30. Nothing was happening for me. Still single, still jobless, still trying to pay back student loans I don’t have a job to help me pay back, Nothing to show for my years on this earth besides debt and sadness.

Did I show this? Not often. In fact only a few of my closest friends knew how I was feeling about this. But the fact of the matter is I WAS feeling it.

Then this year I decided to take matters into my own hands. My best friend since college and I decided we weren’t going to hit 30 having never been kissed. Did either of us think we’d actually get kissed this year? I didn’t think I would at least. But I did. And that man is my boyfriend. He is a wonderful man that I’m very proud to be with.   That being said a few months after that took off, I decided once and for all, my book is done I’m going to self published and in June I did just that. Between interviews for one paper, book promotions, my book now being available in a local shop (The Sweet Boutique)… 30 isn’t seeming so bad anymore!

My life is finally made of several good somethings! It’s exciting, and I’m happy.

We all have those milestones we dread but instead of dreading them I think it’s up to us to make them worth while don’t you?

Keep on keeping on my pretties! We can do this thing! J

The Sweet Boutique

There are times in an authors life that ones are for the books (pun intended)

These times are:
When any book is published (but ESPECIALLY the first one),
When a fan base is established
When the book sales reach 100+
When someone says "I couldn't put it down. I finished it in one sitting"
 and there are SO many more.

My most recent "One for the books" Is when I went to a local shop and asked them to carry my book and they said YES.

The Sweet Boutique is a chocolate shop but more than that you can buy local artisans work, from paintings, jewelry and other things and now my book has been added to that list!

In The Sweet Boutique my book is $10, but more than that, what better place to get your Christmas shopping done than a store that has so much in it, AND you get a snack too!!

I strongly recommend going to check this store out! The chocolate is delicious and the artisans are talented. If you haven't bought my book yet there are copies available there and they are autographed!! It's just a SWEET DEAL and THE SWEET BOUTIQUE! :)

Enjoy the Holiday Season my dears! God bless!

That Time I finally Updated My Blog!

I know, I know! I'm horrible!!!!

Yeah, I've been slacking on my blog posts. No, I've not got a good excuse.

I got a new computer because the old one decided it was to tired to work anymore after 4 years... So I was all ready set go to get back to my blogging, and writing in general. Then the new one decided it just didn't like it's new owner and gave me trouble. Thankfully, I have a tech savvy boyfriend who keeps showing it who is boss!

Finally it's up and running, so I've got to play catch up. I'm going to start a December Writing Challenge since I did one in October/November. Then I'll start doing my writing projects and working on book 2. I've still got a few things to finish for book one when I get the chance.

Right now though I'm busy busy getting Christmas presents made for some of my favorites. I have 3 quilts to finish. Hoping to get them done this and next week, but it means working non-stop.

In the last month I've patched up a quilt, mended part of another quilt, mended some of my own clothing, and made 7 pillows! So making three other quilts, patching up the quilt I started to mend and then mending my own quilt... yeah I'll be staying busy for the next few months. In addition to that I'm still doing my VHS to DVD project. That one is slow going but I'm working on it!

Thanksgiving was amazing, I was surround by a 4 year old, a two year old, and two babies who are both just a few months old. Got to spend some time with my boyfriend and his kiddos too. It was a blessing.

I'm going to try harder and harder to blog more though. Maybe once life calms down after the holiday rush! We'll see though. :) Well it's time for me to get working on one of those quilts again! Much love my sweeties!

MERRY CHRISTMAS and I hope your Thanksgiving was amazing.

That Time of Year Again

Hello Hello!

First and for most let me choose this November 5th to post something special:

Remember, remember!
The fifth of November,
The Gunpowder treason and plot;
I know of no reason
Why the Gunpowder treason ...
Should ever be forgot!
Guy Fawkes and his companions
Did the scheme contrive,
To blow the King and Parliament
All up alive.
Threescore barrels, laid below,
To prove old England's overthrow.
But, by God's providence, him they catch,
With a dark lantern, lighting a match!
A stick and a stake
For King James's sake!
If you won't give me one,
I'll take two,
The better for me,
And the worse for you.
A rope, a rope, to hang the Pope,
A penn'orth of cheese to choke him,
A pint of beer to wash it down,
And a jolly good fire to burn him.
Holloa, boys! holloa, boys! make the bells ring!
Holloa, boys! holloa boys! God save the King!
Hip, hip, hooor-r-r-ray!

______________________________________________

Now that that's over with, The coming events are Thanksgiving Day, my birthday, Christmas and New Years. The hustle and bustle of the season is just beginning and Christmas shopping is happening. Decorating has started, as have the holiday foods. It's beautiful.

I'm so excited about this time. I had the best Halloween this year, getting to spend it with my boyfriend and his kids. We carved pumpkins, went trick or treating and it was just an awesome time. I look forward to this holiday season having those 4 in my life.

Theres not much else to talk about in this post. I'm working on writing again and look forward to getting more done! But I will blog again later.

If You Are Happy and You Know It...Write a Blog

Sorry It has been so long. After my last blog I had a family reunion then went on a little, happiness time. I don't like to share a lot of details on my life so the details of that will be limited. Anyway, I'm still on my happiness time... With the exception of an up to par computer. Yes, my computer has been giving me trouble so my blogs have been scarce. I've been wanting to blog for a while though so I braved my computer, booted it up and here we are!

The month of September was actually less painful than Septembers past because I have a wonderful man in my life. One that I know my father would approve of. The reunion I usually dread wasn't half bad this year, minus a few misunderstandings. I got to spend some quality time with my brother, sister-in-law and their whole gang, and was able to step up and help quite a bit with our reunion. Then it was off to happy time. The man in my life is so special to me and his little family is just as special. I love my time with them and am so thankful for them being in my life. A level of contentment and happiness that I have never known has entered my life full force allowing me to open up a part of my heart to so many new people. I'm blessed and so thankful.

It's amazing how so many things can go wrong but because of the presence of God in your life, and the presence of those that God has put in your life... you feel nothing but joy.

I have also gotten to my healthiest weight since high school. I'm down to what I was while dad was sick, and a total of 40 pounds from my goal weight, according to my last weigh in! I cannot wait to continue this journey, knowing how much support I get from those I love the most. Winter time is harder to lose weight in but if I continue on this path, by next summer I hope to be at my goal if not just 20 pounds from it. The amusing thing is, I have been avoiding buying new clothes, until last month when family members pestered me, mainly because my pants were WAY too baggy. Shirts I have, they are easy to buy and pretty inexpensive if you know where to look... pants... different story so I usually wear those until they are falling off, even though I hate extremely baggy clothes. I hate shopping for new pants even more. Oh well, it's actually a blessing that I have to get new clothes so no complaints here. I'm really excited about it in the long run.

There isn't much else going on. I'm TRYING to work on book two though it's a little more difficult with an annoying computer. I have a new writing technique that I'm trying though and I'm excited to get my series out and published, hopefully by next summer! I need to sign off now and get a few other things done before my computer decides it hates me again. So See ya later my bloggery do readers.

My September Jam

I'm honest about a lot in this life and one thing I'm most honest about is that September is not my month. From September 1st to about Sept 16th I completely shut down, am easily agitated, and just difficult. I try not to be, I fight it hard.

I know a lot of it comes from keeping everything in, I always have and probably always will. But I remember things during this month.

The death of my father placed a cloud on my moms and my life. With the recent book publish and wonderful and in my life I'm only just starting to see the sun again in that area of my life. It's been 14 years.

I posted something on facebook a few days ago that describes it the best for me:

Disclaimer before the post: I'm not posting this for sorrow or pity, or even to ask for prayer. I'm posting this because it's on my heart and I want to get it out. But also because I know there are others out there that will understand. More than that there are people out there that need this for their own situations. They haven't quite found the strength I've found, they need to hear someone else is struggling, but that because someone else has made it through, they can too. So, here it goes...

This is the time of year that I absolutely hate the calendar because no matter how much I fight it, I find myself counting the days until the 11th-13th of September, and not in a good way. People say it should get easier, and it does in a sense. 14 years ago I dreaded every day as my dad's health declined and dreaded them even more after he died. Now I only dread the days he was in a coma, died and the days leading up to his funeral. But I know they are coming and that's what makes it hard. The memories flood back and nearly drown me in the sorrow, as I fight to keep my head above water and swim for my life back to the safety and happiness of what my life has now become and more than that to the safety of my heavenly fathers arms. I know that once the "crap days" as I call them pass everything will be alright. Just as much as I don't want to remember the pain and sorrow I felt at 15, I do want to remember my fathers last words to me. I do want to remember how my family, HIS family came together after he died, how we held each other. I do not want to remember harsh words spoken to me by some family, or even by some peers.

So anyone going through loss, whether old or new, you are not alone. All loss is different, every person is different. But one truth holds firm, loss in any form is hard, it stinks, but somehow, some way, you get stronger, even when you don't want to. My love and prayers are with you and if you need someone to talk to, send me a message. For all the pain my dad's cancer and death caused, it's like a friend of mine told me once, my dad didn't survive cancer but my mom and I survived it as his caretakers. Because we survived we can now help others.

Why do I share this story, not to get attention but to spread the story of a man who once said to my mom and I "If one person comes to Christ through my story then it will have all been worth it." Isn't that profound? If we share the story of our struggles, think of the people we can help, the stories we can add to, the people that will see God through them.

____________________
Because of my September experience my September jam has been "Wake Me Up When September Ends" Then yesterday I started looking for September songs in the hopes to find one that will keep me out of this funk I get in... and I found one by Rosanne Cash, sang by her and her dad Johnny Cash. Lyrics of that are below:

There's a cross above the baby's bed,
A Savior in her dreams.
But she was not delivered then,
And the baby became me.
There's a light inside the darkened room,
A footstep on the stair.
A door that I forever close,
To leave those memories there.

So when the shadows link them,
Into an evening sun.
Well first there's summer, then I'll let you in.
September when it comes.

I plan to crawl outside these walls,
Close my eyes and see.
And fall into the heart and arms,

Of those who wait for me.
I cannot move a mountain now
I can no longer run.
I cannot be who I was then
In a way, I never was.

I watch the clouds go sailing
I watch the clock and sun.
Oh, I watch myself, depending on,
September when it comes.

So when the shadows link them,
And burn away the clouds.
They will fly me, like an angel,
To a place where I can rest.
When this begins, I'll let you know,
September when it comes.
_______________________

I can relate to this so much and just wow.... Now I've got two sad September Jams... I guess I'll have to listen to Say Geronimo all month instead. lol...

Will The Bullying Never End

Bullying comes in all shapes, sizes, ages, and situations...

Often those that get bullied are the ones who don't fit in to the perception someone else may have of normal. They may look weak to those that bully, may be naive...

But one thing I've learned in my years as both someone who has been bullied and seen others be bullied, is that as horrible as it  is, if you allow it to, it WILL make you stronger...

That being said, I'm 29 years old, I've been out of college for a little over 11 years, I've been out of college for a little over 5.

I've got a sweet face, and I look anywhere between 16-20 instead of my actual 29.

In middle school I was slightly bullied because my mom was a teacher, that being said, it was verbal and never physical. In high school my freshman year was bully free, I watched and defending some of my friends that were bullied for being special needs.

When I was in the 10th grade my father died of cancer and that is when I was bullied both at school and online (this was before cyber bullying even had a name.) People would message me telling me that it was my fault my dad died and if they had a kid like me they'd want to be dead too. It made no sense, but it hurt, bad. So, I was home schooled for a year and a half. My senior year wasn't too bad. Then I took a year off between high school and college.

In college I was a youth ministry major, it was me, about 4 other girls, and classes full of guys. So the guys chose to pick on me. I thought that because I was in college the bullying would stop, but no, this was worse. The thing is most of those guys didn't realize what they were even doing till I called them on it in a sermon my senior year of college. How did I do that? I preached a sermon about how everyone has a thorn in the flesh and instead of judging others for theirs we should all accept and celebrate the differences of others.

That being said, once college was over I REALLY thought the bullying was done, but the truth is, there are even some adults that bully. Just recently I bullied on social media by someone that thinks I'm a fake celiac. This time, I had so many people defending me, and I also realized that I'm stronger than I used to be. That experience in college taught me to stand up for myself instead of ignore. Ignoring works to an extent but it doesn't change how the words may make you feel. Standing up for yourself CAN change that though, because there is an amount of self-worth in defending yourself.

Another recent  situation is a young girl who thinks she's just "picking" people, there is a fine line between picking on someone lovingly and bullying them. That line can EASILY be crossed. When you pick on someone because you wish you had something they did- that is bullying. It might not be severe, it might not do damage, but it still hurts and you might be planting a seed of negativity that could grow to something as BIG as suicide. THINK about your actions, friends! Please.

Let's do our part in making sure that the bullying that feels like it will never end, does end, at least in our circles.

The Day That Movies, TV Shows and Books Change Lives.

I'm a sponge.

Not the kind of sponge that soaks up water, not the sponge you can find in a body of water.

But still, I am a sponge. This is not be confused with a chameleon. I do not become like those I'm around, camouflaging into my surroundings. I am my own person.

But watching movies and tv shows, and reading books... I soak up what I watch or read.

For an example, when I was just a child I LOVED old movies, you would find me watching movies like Heaven Can Wait (1943) with Don Ameche (He died in 93 on my birthday, I cried when I found out.) I was in love with him, even though he was 85 when he died, I knew him as the handsome and charming  Henry Van Cleve *sigh* Anyway, I'm digressing. Point is Heaven Can Wait and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)

In both Chitty Chitty and Heaven Can Wait there are different variations of "They kissed so that means they now have to get married." I didn't realize until watching both of these movies as an adult that they shaped my view on that matter, but my parents spent most of my teen years teasing me about how as a kid, whenever I watched a movie where a couple would kiss I would gasp and say "Now they have to get married!"

^A Sponge.

When I graduated college in 2010 I was very depressed by October of that year, having not found a job I started my own Jewelry business, but more than that I found this amazing show that had been canceled earlier in the year, Ugly Betty. The story of a young woman, considered ugly by the fashion world, thrust into that exact world as the assistant to a womanizer. The show is full of the ups and downs of these two people, from opposite worlds. It saved me from deep depression. I soaked up the show, learning life lessons from it, that it would take pages to write about, but that's not the point of this post. Charmed was the same way. General life lessons, and also time management lessons, they came from these shows.

Books are another thing I am a sponge about. I have four favorite books of all time that I've read tons of times each. Pride and Prejudice and Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen, The Rescue by Nicholas Sparks , and Sophie's Heart by Lori Wick. They've taught me so much about patience, kindness, naivety, and many more things.

Sometimes being a sponge is not so good. Entertainment can teach us about violence, anger, hate, especially in todays society. It's all about what we choose to surround ourselves with.

 Did anything you watched or read as a child or even adult effect you in a spongey way? (lol)

Jambo Bwana Hakuna Matata

Hello Sir, No worries.

That is what Jambo Bwana Hakuna Matata

I've seen other things that say Jambo Bwana means "Hello friend" or "Hello Mister."

But for this blog we will use "Hello Sir"

I first heard Hakuna Matata from Lion King like most children but a few years ago I was looking for different versions of the song Hakuna Matata from The Lion King. I have found a Portugese version which I love listening to. However, during that particular search that I'm speaking of I found Jambo by Boney M.

The moment I heard it, it became one of my favorite songs of all time.
Jambo Bwana Hakuna Matata 

The point of this blog is... well I'm sure you'll see soon.

As I said, one of my favorite songs, I LOVE it. My boyfriend and I often greet each other like that when we talk or see each other, just because it's fun.

Lately though I haven't been feeling so "no worries" In the midst of all the good things in life I can't help but wonder when the craps going to hit the fan. I try to not think like that. I'm happy for the first time in a very long time. I mean truly happy. I finally feel like my life is going somewhere with the publishing of my book, I've got an amazing man in my life.

However other things have been going on, the health of some of the people closest to me is declining, I recently had some gluten accidentally, I've been sick from that ever since. It's just been one thing after another and Through the whole thing Hakuna Matata has been hard to hold on to, and when I worry I worry about EVERYTHING all at once! It's like a big worry storm that wont go away until it's smacked out of me (please don't hit me, I've also had a migraine coming and going for a week now)

The point is, I want the people in my life who are sick to feel better. I want to get back to my writing, and I would like to see the boyfriend. *sigh*

I guess you and I both have to keep remembering Jambo Bwana Hakuna Matata. Have a good time, enjoy the summer (or whats left of it since schools are back in session and it's been crazy hot... falls almost hear though!)

Ta Ta! lol

Thankful, Happy, Blessed

Anyone who knows me is aware that the last 15 years have been a rollercoaster for me. First my dad got sick, then my mom broke her arm, then my dad died. Things started looking up when I was accepted at Ohio Christian University. After that I was diagnosed with Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum and I had to learn to cope with the disorder. I am still learning, daily. But then I graduated college with a degree in youth ministry, another great moment... Time to start my life. However 4 and a half years later I was still jobless, nothing was happening in my life besides making new friends every now and then.

Finally in Oct. of last year a friend of mine invited me to his church, that church is now my church, This year I started dating the most wonderful man, and then I published my first book! My life went from nothing happening to so much happening at once, and I am thankful, happy, and blessed.

It is finally my time.

I wont lie, things HAVE happened in the last 5 years, I have had 3 temp jobs that were less than part time but gave me experience behind a desk, I volunteered to be in a locally filmed movie, had one scene, and it was fun. My life hasn't been horrible, I've had blessings along the way. But these things weren't consistent and now they seem to be.

So many of my friends and family have had babies this year, or have gotten married. I've started dating a great guy, and had a baby of my own in the form of a book that I wrote AND self-published!

So if your life seems less than great, please remember that great is coming. :)

It's DCC AWARENESS DAY!

Today is the day! It's the first year for Disorders of the Corpus Callosum Awareness day but I'm so excited! I'm hoping today, to get the word out about my book even more. Beyond that just getting word about my specific disorder of the corpus callosum is important.

How exciting is that?! Also in addition to today I'm going to have a blog post on a different site later. 

The blog I was a guest on: The Tipsyverse blog post

I look forward to the happenings of today and sharing ACC with more people. Please remember that you can buy my book here: 

https://www.createspace.com/5565116

and here: http://www.amazon.com/Silver-Butterfly-Lynnea-Yancy-Squires/dp/1514385759/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1435430400&sr=8-4&keywords=The%20Silver%20Butterfly%20Paperback

and for Kindle here: 

http://www.amazon.com/Silver-Butterfly-Lynnea-Yancy-Squires-ebook/dp/B00ZTEPLE2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1435430265&sr=8-1&keywords=The%20Silver%20Butterfly%20kindle

Also, if you are promoting DCC Awareness Day PLEASE help spread word about my book today! 

Thank you so much! 

Little Known Facts

Well with the release of my book, helping mom out, and doing errands quite frequently I haven't slowed down since June 17th. I'm not complaining. I have LOVED everything that has been happening.

But something I don't really like to talk about is happening to me much quicker than normal. It's no secret that in addition to my ACC- I'm magnesium deficient, I have thyroid disease, and that I'm celiac. I'm honest about these things. I also have a deficiency in b12 and vitamin D. All of these things are quite under control thanks to meds and supplements.

However thanks to my ACC I get tired rather easy, and overdoing it like I have been doing never ends well. I will over do it and the next thing I know I'm stuck in bed for a week or more recovering.

Last night I slept for 12 hours!! 12!!! And it's  6:45 pm right now as I type this post up... I'm so exhausted that I'm seriously considering going to bed as soon as I finish typing this up. Am I confident that I'll sleep till about 7 or 8 am? yeah, very.

I'm so very excited about everything going on though. I look forward to all the things happening right now and in the future. :)

Can't wait to share them with you all. Tomorrow I'm guest blogging on a blog that I read regularly, Getting ready to have my news about my book in the local paper, I just donated my book to our local library. A lot is happening.

:) Blog At You Later

Counterproductive

So as I was writing the book I just published

The Silver Butterfly By Lynnea Squires Paperback

The Silver Butterfly By Lynnea Squires Paperback on Amazon

The Silver Butterfly By Lynnea Squires on Kindle

There are some stories that I've left out, these stories were not mentioned in the book for good reason and today I want to share one of them because I feel it's important to share even though it's a little counterproductive.

I mention briefly my severe anxiety, placing a lot of stock on the concept of overcoming. I have overcome a lot in my life concerning my ACC, and I continue to be an overcomer. That was what I wanted to bring forth in my book and I felt that sharing this would take away from that.

With my severe anxiety I had/have a lot of fears. These fears are often times almost crippling. I do not like to walk in front of the people I'm with if I'm going somewhere with a group. You will often find me in the middle of in the back of the group. If it's just me and one other person I'll only go first if I'm with a gentleman who opens the door, once we are both through the door, he gets back in front. I just don't like to be first in those situations. I also hate making phone calls to doctors offices, or other important things like that, I even hate ordering food on the phone.

Another thing I've always been afraid of is trying anything new.

That being said, I am an overcomer. I deal with these fears and anxieties daily. But over the last 9 years I've done a lot of things I thought I would never do. I've called hotels and made reservations, I actually speak up now and order my own food at restaurants, which is another thing I hated doing. I'm still not a fan of being first in a group but I'm getting better at accepting it when it has to happen.

I just felt like though this was important to talk about, it was better done on my blog than in my book, because it's still something that's a big issue with me, and this is one thing that I will always struggle with no matter how much I seem to overcome it.

That being said, I just want to encourage you all to keep pushing forward. Keep trying to be the best version of yourself, overcoming fears and all that. The whole act of publishing my book was me overcoming a fear! Think about that!

:) 

Reflections Over A Cup Of Lady Grey

Good Sunday Morning to you, my blog readers!

Today I'm in one of my contemplative moods as I sit on my bed, in front of my air conditioner that is on full blast. Laptop on my lap, cup of lady grey tea on my lap top desk, I am ready to leave for church in about 12 minutes. So I'll try to type this quick.

Today one of my "On this day..." Facebook posts was this:

"I met a very sweet man today- who after talking to me for only a few minutes...he told me: "Sweet girl you will go places. Your life will be something so special. You've got SO much ahead of you. I know everything will work out for you." I told him very little about what was going on and yet he still said this to me. This man was a God-send to me. Please join me in praying for both him and his wife. My conversation with him warmed my heart and I know he came into my life just when I needed to hear that the most. heart emoticon I only can hope and pray that I said something that touched his heart as well!"

This happened about 3 years ago on this day. I've never forgotten this man. I have waited for years for what he said to come true and it finally has. That being said I want to share what one of my dear friends said to me recently. Della reads my blog rather faithfully, and what she said has touched my heart in the same way that what this man above said did. She said this on.  June 23rd this year:

"Just so you know your dad would be so proud of you. You may not have found your perfect job yet, but You have so much more than that. You are the sweetest person I've ever met, you are caring, you are genuine, you love God and you're not afraid to tell anyone anything they want to know about your beliefs. You are understanding, you are kind, giving, compassionate. You're a great friend. I can always count on you for anything,and I know that without a doubt. I can trust you, and I do with my whole entire heart. You're Dad would be proud to have a daughter like you. You're not just a daughter, you're a best friend, you're a girlfriend, and now you're an AUTHOR!!!!!! I am so so proud of you! I'm so happy to call you my friend. You're nothing short of a blessing!"

 Everyone who knows me knows that the death of my father 14 years ago in September, hit me hard. I still struggle with it, missing him, hoping that somehow I make him proud with the choices I've mad, the way I've decided to live this life.. What she said, on that day helped me so much and I'm forever grateful.

That being said, please listen to the people that encourage you, sometimes they are speaking from the heart of God, telling you things that God wants you to hear. I know it took my life 3 years almost exactly to get to the point of being something special but self-publishing my book helped me do that. I went into the process completely blind but I did it! So many people have been negative, telling me that because I haven't found a job in 5 years I never will. But I proved them wrong. I chose to have a voice as an ACCer and make my voice heard!! You can do that too. Find that passion in your life and let nothing stop you. Let what that man said to me be true for you and I pray that you have a Della in your life to encourage you and remind you that you aren't alone, that you've got greatness in your life!

Much love to you, my butterflies!

The Fathers Day Post

So today is Fathers Day. If you know me, you know that besides celebrating my mother on this day, I mostly try to ignore it's existence though I do wish all the fathers I know a very happy Fathers Day.

My father died when I was 15, about 14 years ago (in September) It was long ago but I still mourn that loss. I was 15 meaning that the major milestones in my life were all missed by him, starting with a girls right of passage, the Sweet 16. This missing of the major milestones continued through high School then college graduating and now the release of my first book. They well continue on through my wedding day, or having my first child if those things ever happen.

So on this day I usually choose to miss church. The celebration of fathers at church services on this day is usually just too much for me to handle, and I end up spending hours crying, hours I would rather spend doing something productive. So today I'm proofing my book. Thankfully it's a very short book so I'm almost done  with the reading part of it, then to make the changes that need to be made.

I do wish all fathers a VERY HAPPY FATHERS DAY, though. You are loved and we are thankful for you. :)

The Moment It's Real

Everyone who knows me from facebook, twitter, this blog, or in person knows about what's going on in my life right now. I just finished and published my book The Silver Butterfly.

The Silver Butterfly is about growing up with ACC. It exists to spread awareness about the disorder and to let other ACCers know they are not alone.

Currently the Kindle version is the only version out. You can find it here:The Silver Butterfly by Lynnea Yancy Squires

You can like my new Author page here: Lynnea's Facebook Author Page










That being said... It's time to announce something. My proof copy just came in the mail!









That's right! It's real... I can hold my book in my hands!! I'm feeling so amazed and blessed right now.

At first, yes, I knew my book was out and available for others to read but now I get to read the proof copy and in a matter of days or weeks my book will be in paperback!! Just... Wow! 

Hopefully you've bought a copy if not please do. If you are waiting for the paperback it'll be here soon!! 

Be careful what you say, you never know who will see it.

Okay so I'm not afraid to admit I'm about to be slightly hypocritical here.

But it can't be helped.

In the midst of all of this "The Silver Butterfly" promotion, I am getting supported by many people. I'm blessed and thankful beyond words.

However, as with anything, there are comments that are less than pleasing from people who

A. Haven't yet read my book.
and
B. Have never understood me, nor cared to even try.

I knew this was going to happen.

The main comment I'm going to mention is  "I had her in class she was ill frequently."

Now this may not seem like a huge deal to anyone. But it was to me. Let me explain the situation.

My sophomore year in High School, was a very difficult year. In September of that year my father, who had cancer for 7 months, had passed away. So, in addition to being a teenager I was also at this point extremely depressed. However, that is not why I was ill... no, around the same time I had begun to have horrible pains in my abdomen, pains that would bring me to the ground. Each month there was an area of about 5+ days that I would have to leave school early (if you are a woman you'll understand why, and since I singled women out a man should even understand why) In this woman's class, on one particular occasion I was in so much pain that I needed to leave the classroom immediately and she REFUSED to let me leave. I had kindly raised my hand to ask to be excused and she ignored me for 10 minutes! Finally I asked to leave after my 3 best friends got her attention. Due to the excruciating pain they all walked me to the office (one on each side and the other behind me, making sure I wouldn't fall) It was after that day I was told I may have had a cyst on my ovaries that burst, then told I had endometriosis. I'm not afraid to admit that it was also during this time that I had been constipated for the majority of a 6 year period BUT this was not what made me ill frequently, meaning the cause wasn't my brain disorder, as assumed in the above comment, but it was a female issue.

Seeing that comment by someone that has yet to take the time to read my book, Someone who never took the time to care for me, who judged me back then and neglected me when I was in need of medical attention... made me so angry.

Now, I'm guessing, and almost hoping she thought I would never see that comment. Because if she didn't think that, then she obviously doesn't see that saying I was ill frequently is an issue.

ACC isn't about being ILL FREQUENTLY... well at least not for me. In fact I've always been described as very healthy. I had endometriosis once, I've had 4 knee surgeries, my gal-bladder removed and yes I SOMETIMES have chronic constipation brought on by my ACC... but I rarely am actually sick or "ill." I am a high functioning ACCer and I think it's disrespectful to those who are worse off than me, to say that about me.

I don't want this opinionated post to make anyone angry or to cause anyone to not want to read my book my desire here is the same as the one I had writing The Silver Butterfly. To spread awareness. To make people see that snap judgments like the one in this comment are wrong. My "illness" was from a female issue not a brain disorder. Pinning it on that is not fair to myself or other ACCers. I exist to spread the knowledge of ACC, to make sure people know when they are wrong. As I am not in contact with this woman and ran across her comment because someone else had kindly shared my post, this was my best outlet. Really... it always IS my best outlet because I can reach more people this way to let them know the fact that we ALL need to be careful what we say because you never know who will see it (or even hear it.)


Don't make snap judgments at others like that.

Let me be clear about one more thing before I go. I have no ill feelings toward this woman. I forgave her long ago for what happened in her class room. But once that comment was made, for others to see... I felt as though I needed to make others aware of the whole situation. For myself as a means to release any bad feelings that COULD come back up because of that... AND to stand up for my fellow ACCers the ones that have many more problems than I do, the one that spend time in hospitals or have to live in assisted living because they need more attention than me. I'm not saying I don't have my own issues brought on by my ACC but during that time in my life, those issues are not the ones that had me "frequently ill" I did not appreciate her saying that and I wanted desperately to set the record straight.

That being said, PLEASE buy my book The Silver Butterfly, so that you can enter a greater understanding of what ACC is, and who I am as an ACCer.


The Silver Butterfly by Lynnea Yancy Squires

The Silver Butterfly

It's here! I have released my first book! So excited to share this with everyone.

You can "like" me on facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/LynneaYancySquiresAuthor?fref=ts

You can buy my book on amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/Silver-Butterfly-Lynnea-Yancy-Squires-ebook/dp/B00ZTEPLE2/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1434547114&sr=1-1

I'm so excited to have my book available for others to read, FINALLY. I've been working on this thing for over a year. You can click on those links to read more about it. I'll be posting more about it as time goes on and when the paperback becomes available!

I look forward to seeing reviews.

"Because I'm Me"

My boyfriend and I often say a phrase to one another, "Because I'm me"

This can be in response to anything really.
"Why did you do that?" "Because I'm me"
"Why do I put up with you?" (always a joke question of course) "Because I'm me"
"Why say that?" "Because I'm me"
"Why do I like you?" (another joke question) "Because I'm me"

Silly questions, so they get a silly answer... but really... isn't that all of us, I'm me, you are you. We are who we are.

I'm opinionated and stubborn. I'm extremely nice to almost everyone. The only time I am not all that nice is if you mess with me or someone I love. I'm strict, straight forward, and to the point. I'm overly honest, and I tell everyone like it is even at the expense of feelings being hurt. I'm EXTREMELY outspoken, and I talk A LOT. I love to laugh, and I love to tell stories. I give advice sometimes even when it's not wanted. I'm am a firm believer that everyone should learn from another persons experiences. I hurt, I bleed, My experiences have shaped me but helped me be compassionate.

But I am me. I love, I live, I laugh, I smile, and I'm me.

There is a confidence in that. It keeps me from overwhelming depression when I think of the fact that at 29 years old I'm still not in the work force, that at 29 while I do have an amazing boyfriend who I care for a great deal, I've not been married, I haven't started a family. But ultimately that's been my choice I could have been with several guys by now, married a few of them but it wouldn't have worked and I knew that and I didn't try to force it to work. Why? Because I'm me and I saw no point in that. So why post about being me?

I think everyone needs to have a confidence in being who they are. It helps in life to remember who you are and to be proud that you are you. So think about that, don't focus on the crappy things in life just remember that you are you and celebrate that.

Mom

"Mom" Such a powerful and beautiful word.

In my life I've had my mom, who is so good to me. She's my best friend. The only person in my life that's been there for me through EVERYTHING. She's amazing, beautiful, wonderful, and such a good example to me. I love her so very much.

I've also been blessed to know other amazing Mom's the mothers of some of my dearest friends. Mother's who made me feel like I was another child to them.

Beyond that I have so many friends and family who have become new moms in the last several years. They are learning, stressed, overworked, but so good at what they do. They are NOT forgotten, and I know so many moms feel this way.

So what do I suggest on this mothers day, relax, take a load off, read a book about the hard work mom's do that sometimes gets overlooked, watch Mom's Night Out, and have a pamper night, if you have daughters involve them. Just have a you time. Remember you are loved and awesome.

Happy Mothers Day!

More Of An Impact Than You Realize

So, I know it's been a while. Sorry about that, I just haven't had much inspiration in the blog writing lately.

I'm trying to get back into it blogging and today I had a great conversation with a friend from my middle school days. We've known each other for years and it's been a long time since we've talked, going our separate ways, we've found our way back to our friendship and today she REALLY just told me some things I needed to hear.

I'm a people helper, always have been and if I have my way I always will be. But the older I get the harder it's become to do a lot of the things I would like to do to help people. I wanted to be a youth minister, I love babysitting, and if I see a friend in need I do what I can to help.

Today though, as I was talking to my friend she made a major impact on my life, encouraging me to keep going and being who she has always known me to be. She reminded me that I have made an impact of my own on so many lives, and encouraged me to keep going.

Sometimes it might be something as small as sharing your heart on a blog you aren't sure anyone reads, to something as big as buying a friend some groceries.

Anyway you go about it I'm thankful for reconnecting with this friend and for the lessons she taught me today, and for the inspiration for todays post. You know who you are, and you are a blessing to me :)

Fear of Sewing Machines

So, you know how people tend to have irrational fears? I've had a few in my life.

A fear of sponge bob actually led me to fall down stairs in college because a friend of mine started singing the theme song as I was getting ready to leave where we were all hanging out. I have sense over come that fear thanks to some great teens that I met a few years ago.

So through out my life I learned to sew. But I HATED sewing machines, I can't explain why but I've always had a fear of them... using them, being near them made me completely nervous. So all of the sewing I've ever done is by hand.

I think it's important to overcome fears and step outside of comfort zones and that's how I try to live my life, so this week I got out my sewing machine and finally decided to sit down and make a dress. I'm still nervous around sewing machines but I overcame my fear and in just a few hours time I finished making my first dress ever!

This is a big thing for me and I'm actually pretty proud, also I now own a BEAUTIFUL dress! :)

I recommend to live your life overcoming fears. It might be scary but good things happen when you overcome fears! Blessings!

Sayings from the Mind of Lynnea

Over the past 5 years being out of college, looking for jobs unsuccessfully but having lots of time to think... I've come up with different little sayings, stuff to live by, or even sayings that I've seen somewhere else that have really helped me.

For the sayings that I've seen somewhere else that have meant something, one comes to mind the most:
I'm not saying it's going to be easy but I am saying it's going to be worth it.

A story goes a long with that one, maybe one day I'll blog it, until then it's between me, God and those I'm close to that I've shared it with.

But the little things I've come up with through the last 5 years that have stuck with me:

"It's not a good thing, it's not a bad thing. It's a God thing and we'll see where it goes from here."
-This one was me trying to be be an honest encouragement to a friend of mine.

"If you can't find something to do, then you should take it upon yourself to learn to do something new."
-This one came about because in the last few years being jobless I've learned to cook, sew, make my own shampoo, lotion, body scrub, body wash, tooth past and deodorant. I also make my own jewelry and have taken up a few more crafts to fill the time up with something.

"I'm good with God, how are you?" -My little zinger of a reply when people condescendingly ask how I'm doing when they know I'm going through a rough patch

I'm sure there are more but these are the ones that immediately came to mind and I wanted to share because some of them amuse while others inspire. So have a good night you beauties!

Religion or Something Else

When I was at college there was this huge debate about "religion or relationship." Is it more about one or the other? Our university Chaplin even had a sermon on it saying something I in large part agree with, you can't have one without the other. It's religion AND relationship.

As time has gone on, and my faith in God has grown I've learned even more. I seek a divine RELATIONSHIP with God.

Going further, a religion tends to have the view of being tied down by beliefs. It's the thought of rules and regulations. The very definition is: relating to or believing in a religion, a person bound by monastic vows.

I've said about myself that while I go to a church that is of a denomination my heart is non denominational. You see, a denomination is a further breaking down of the religion of Christianity.

Looking in my library you'll see the same is true on a larger spectrum. I have The Book of Mormon, books on Catholicism and even a few rosaries or chaplets that I use in my prayer life. I have a Jewish Prayer shawl as well. So in my personal walk with God I've taken things from different denominations, or even other religions. No one religion or denomination is correct. We've all got different points and it's important to realize that. So am I saying that practicing religion is wrong? NO!

We just need to be able to have our eyes open instead of closed and often times that's what we let the focus on religion do to us, close our eyes.

It has annoyed me greatly recently that people put so much of a focus on religion to the point that when I say I'm a Christ follower or a lover of Christ I'm suddenly religious, and they turn their nose up at me "Oh, she's one of those!" No, I'm one of Christ's! I have a relationship with my Lord and savior not in one specific way but in many different ways!

It's like being in a relationship with anyone else, My interest in these other things, incorporating my knowledge of Catholicism, Jewish, Mormon and whatever else into my daily walk with God, praying about it and making it personal for my relationship with Him is what keeps our love alive and thriving and not boring and full of rules. I recognize that the Bible says there is only ONE GOD. And that is the ONE GOD I focus on. Just some thoughts I had today.

Resurrection Day and Ramblings

First, I would like to say Happy Easter, Passover, Resurrection day to each and every single one of you.

Sitting at home after service today I did some reading. I'd just come inside from being out and working on cutting some limbs down on some trees.

I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and I have to say it convicted me of something bad. Let me explain.

My entire childhood I was the girl that smiled no matter what she faced... Even when I was utterly depressed over the death of my Dad I found reasons to smile, I was the girl that found joy in the darkness... I loved being like this. But then people started condemning me for it, others would tell me (whether they knew my past or not) that I have always had it easy because I never struggled.

The truth was I struggled in silence, only those closest to me knew, and sometimes even they didn't know until later sometimes. My best friend all through high school had no idea that I was bullied all through our years in HS together, for example. She only found out about 4 years ago when I finally confessed it to her.

I've had aunts, cousins, grandparents and other family members and friends tell me that they've had it more difficult than me because they've had to go through other struggles on top of things that happened in their lives. All the while not realizing that I have gone through a lot, had struggles I just did it all silently keeping a smile on my face and my head just above water.

After hearing that for so long I began to be utterly honest about what I'm going through, when I'm going through it, how I'm going through it, and sometimes even why. Now people say I'm complaining when it's just honesty... but I would love to get back to the happy go lucky girl I one was. Perhaps I will...

Thank you God, Thank you Daddy

As it's the day before Resurrection Sunday I'm in a time of thought. I've been this way for a couple of days now and this fact is what kept me awake most of the night last night.

I am stubborn, strong-willed, opinionated, kind, patient, and a little goofy.

I've had both an easy and difficult life. Starting from a tough time at school, being bullied all the way through my college years, when I was 5 my sister died, then when I was 15 my dad was diagnosed with cancer and died 7 months later, through that my mom broke her arm so I became the caretaker in my home. I've had knee problems my whole life having 4 knee surgeries, I was diagnosed with ACC (agenesis of the corpus callosum), thyroid disease, and through it all I persevered. I went to college against all odds and graduated, granted, now I don't have a job to show for the degree I received the fact is I tried and didn't give up.

I've learned through all of this that patience and a good since of humor are the best ways to survive through this life. I am not going to lie, I went through a time in my life where I was suicidal, I recently even revisited those dark thoughts, but through it all God was there and so was  that strong will my dad and mom helped build in me.

I'm so thankful for Jesus and His path to the cross that is so heartbreaking, I'm even more thankful to the Resurrection because His living again has given me a reason to continue living.

I miss my dad even now but I love that he gave little tiny ways to know he's still around. It's amazing how God can show us these things.
Keep your eyes on the Son.

Calling

Hey everyone,

So I've had a lot on my mind lately. Several years ago, my freshman year of college to be exact I knew God was calling me into youth ministry. I've been out of college for almost 5 years and I haven't been able to have a job in my degree however I've been able to use it in Babysitting jobs or by mentoring teens. This has been great. However, I have an observation:

Callings change. Through the years I've been called to work with non-profits, then with people who have ACC and other developmental disabilities.

For a short time I taught an Esther Bible Study but through health issues that faded out... and I was left once again without something to do...

So I started a teen ministry where I would loan books out to teens. That sadly didn't last long. Teens lost interest.

Then something strange happen.

Over the last year I've been in contact with about 70 pregnant women, some have since given birth to their babies while others are still pregnant or just now learning they are pregnant. I have known several women trying to get pregnant and struggling as well...

This is where it gets strange. I am a 29 year old never been married, mother of none, who up until last month hadn't even had her first kiss. What do I know about being a mom?! Sure people in college, and some of the young people I've mentored call me "Mama Nea" but that doesn't make me equipped to minister to moms!

But things kept happening, I found a book about Moms feeling invisible, another about busy moms who become the forgotten... and then the movie "Mom's Night Out" all within weeks of each other and I had the funds and the feelings that coerced me into purchasing these things (all were on sale) Then God started placing Mom's into my life who needed the reminders that they are not forgotten or invisible, to help them feel appreciated once more.

Then most recently I saw a post about a cd that is specifically for new moms and their babies, a lullaby cd about a mothers love to her child. My heart became full as I began to spread word about this.

But I feel a strong need to have a ministry towards moms, new or experienced. These women are strong and amazing and beautiful. So I guess pray for me as I start a ministry that I feel I'm not prepared for but God somehow is calling me too. I guess it's true "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called."

Blessings
-Lynnea

Tea Happenings

Tea Happenings, get it Tea=The bahahahaha

So I have a busy day ahead of me, but it's been almost a month since my last blog post. I figured since I have a little bit of free time, I'd type something up. 

Last month I went on a wonderful two week vacation at a friends house. It was a blessing and really helped revitalize my soul. Since then I've been back home and just been a little lazy besides doing some house work, I've watched The Mentalist from start to Season 6 episode 19 and I've played video games... While I was on vacation and just after I got back I worked on a writing project. I'm one chapter away from completing it!! So excited about that. 

Not much else has been going on, I've just been thinking a lot and trying to figure things in my life out. Still searching, though some things are slowly falling into place. 

Till next time, 

Don't cry over spilled tea, just make another cup and sip it up :) 

Think Before You Speak

I have spent my whole life judged, misjudged, over judged... you name it, it's annoyed me.

No matter what I do people have a problem with who I am as a person. Do I care? No, not really but it is annoying. Not for me but because I know that if they are doing it to me they are doing it to others as well, and the others they are doing it to may not be able to stand up for themselves like I can.

I'm overly honest about my brain disorder, thyroid disease and other struggles in life. I also know in the long run that everything is going to be okay. I do not talk about it because I want to but because I believe God has called me to a purpose of honesty. My life, as with anyone else is an example and who am I to, stop God from using the story He has given me?

I had a recent conversation with a friend that  I cannot get off of my mind. It honestly broke my heart, mainly because I know many people feel this way about me. That I'm overreacting about my brain disorder. So I figured this was as good a place as any to explain things.

Have you ever had an issue that you had to live with every single day? One, in which, on the outside you looked normal but on the inside everything was a struggle, you don't know how to ride a bike, tie your shoes properly, and you trip over AIR? It effected your thought process, your spelling, how you do math, and some days are fine while other days just SUCK, your anxiety causes such issues that it's hard for you to work a job in retail or food industry. You know people that have offered others jobs but they wont offer you one because they think you are being dramatic when all you are doing is trying to find your level of living as normal as possible.

I'm not going to lie, I can take care of myself, I can cook food, I can work jobs I've had years of training in or things that just come natural. I'm HIGH FUNCTIONING for a reason. But I still have issues. Just like everyone else. And also just like anyone in my position it gets really tiring to hear people get annoyed or see people roll their eyes at me because they think I'm making stuff up or being over dramatic. You DONT live with me, you ARENT me, Don't JUDGE me and you need to CHECK YOURSELF before you call yourself a CHRISTIAN if you are going to judge me. That goes for ANYONE in a position like mine...

I hear people say "Love God. Love People" Here is the thing about that, we're called to love people the way God love's us. God doesn't pick and choose who He loves. He loves us ALL. And He would NEVER roll his eyes at someone who is sharing their story when they repeat stuff.

Also, there is a boy in my class who repeats things all the time about his struggles and his aspirations, no one complains about him, they smile and are so proud of him. Why not be like that with everyone else?

If you don't think before you speak you alienate people and then you have good people ready to walk away from things they shouldn't be walking away from.

Love don't judge
Listen don't speak
Hug don't hurt
and remember that when you do say something choose your words wisely because other wise you'll be the reason someone gives up on God and I don't think ANYONE wants that on their track record.

Musing From A Wounded Minister

I started going to church when I was 2 weeks. I felt the call to become a Christian at age 6 but I wanted to be sure. I waited 2 years. At age 8 I asked God into my heart and life, getting baptized that same night,  Saturday, July 16th 1994. 

As the years went on I was involved in music ministry, co-leading a children's choir, I also sang with my father. When he died I sang with some of my friends from church. For about a year I ran from God's calling to go to a Christian University. I went to OCU for 5 years. 

During the orientation week we picked out majors. When I was first accepted at OCU I was supposed to do a music ministry major. I change my mind realizing that's not what I wanted, and switched to an undecided which meant I would get my gen ed and Bible Courses done for an associates and then transfer. That day though I met someone who worked for the school. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He told me something I already sort of knew "you are meant for ministry" then he did something that I didn't agree with at ALL. He changed my major to missions. Now I LOVE missions. I would love to do more missions trips! But missions is NOT my calling. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. But me being in ministry, that was not such a stretch. So I took the next year and prayed about it. Opportunities opened up and I realized God was calling me into Youth Ministry. 

I'll be the first to tell people I fought God on it. My best friend from college, Stephanie will tell you as well. I went to a Southern Baptist Church. Women were NOT ministers. However I also have a huge background of family in the ministry. Great-grandfathers, grandfathers, uncles, and even my father was a deacon and music minister! It's in my blood, and in my heart. So finally after fighting God I realized that I couldn't run anymore, that I didn't want to. Youth Ministry was it for me. I've always been good with kids, and had a heart for God. I have experience of tough stuff that has happened, and I wouldn't allow any youth to go through crap alone if I could help it. So that was it, it was me and youth ministry for the next 4 years. 

Then I graduated. I prayed and God laid it on my heart not to be a volunteer youth minister. This is a conviction that has gotten a lot of icky comments. It's okay to volunteer I'm not saying that but as a person who has their degree in youth ministry it's not a good idea but often times when you volunteer you'll never get out of that. Just like everyone else I need a job. God has not called me to VOLUNTEER in youth ministry. He has called that to be my profession. There is a difference. This conviction had moments of confirmation by 6 people in my life as well and I'm not going to stray from what God has laid on my heart no matter who asks me to. Instead of judging, I ask that people understand that. 

So now I'm in the real world. I have been asked to leave either politely or forcefully from churches because of my youth ministry degree, I have been treated wrongfully because of my conviction. I have been told I will not be hired not only because of my GENDER but also because of my MARITAL STATUS (single)

I LOVE that people reject me for the things that God knew when he called me. God knew he was calling a female who was single. God also knew I would still be single when I graduated. 

I gave this back story to show the Church has wounded me. However God has given me a heart for the church as a whole. I keep going back. Abused by the church but I just can't quit because God loves the church and He wants ME to love the church, why because I am PART of the church. 

Do I want to give up? Give in? Leave? Quit? ALL. THE. TIME.

Has the church helped me anyway? No not really. God has.

But it's like I have said before Christians are no longer what they are supposed to be. Christian's no longer means to be Christ like. That doesn't mean ALL Christians are like that. There can be a church of 150 people that has about 3 Christ-like people in it. Or maybe 5 or even 10 but those people often fall through the cracks, they are often unnoticed, forgotten. It's not because they don't do anything for other Christians, they do. It's just that they are in a sea of people that make Christianity, a hypocritical thing. 

Think about it. Which spectrum are you on? Are you one of the people that wound your fellow believers? Are you the wounded? Or are you in that small spectrum of people that go unnoticed? OR are you a wounded one that goes unnoticed? 

I wish I felt like doing ministry but I don't I still go to church but you wont see me working in one, I quietly mentor young women, but that is it. I all but refuse to work in the church. I wanted to be part of a prayer ministry but once again went unnoticed. So I stand silently, and I watch, I pray, and hope for change. One day my wounds will heal but until that day... We'll see. 

Falling In Love At A Tea Shop

Posted early for valentines day

Okay so the post title is a play on a song title. The song is Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg. I picked it because it's my Valentines post, but I'm pretty sure it will have nothing to do with this post at all. Fun still, so it's okay. 

Anyone that knows me knows I've never had a romantic valentine for valentines day, not really. I've had guys that said they were but then treated me like crap on Valentines day so they don't get counted. My parent's when I was younger and even my mom now were/are valentines to me. My single female friends and I used to do valentines stuff. I've even had Valentines dates with Jesus, where it's just me reading scripture, having a candle light dinner listening to worship music. It's all nice... and I don't regret it. I even used to be the girl that wore black on valentines day I've hated it and enjoyed it and maybe even loved it... but ultimately Valentine's day annoys me. 

It's just a reminder that while all my friends are off getting married, having babies and starting their life I'm sitting at home broke and alone.

Don't get me wrong, I've been watching movies about Valentines day, I'm even going to watch the movie Valentine's day tomorrow like I have EVERY YEAR since it was in theaters. But the song that I'll listen to on repeat is the J. Giles Band "Love Stinks" It's an amusing song and it has always been and will always be one of my favorites whether I am in love or not. 

Some may say I'm cynical but I think I'm a little bit of a realist. Will I wish people a happy valentines day? OF COURSE! Will I get anyone anything? Probably not, and if I do it'll be my mom and in all honesty it wont be until after when things go on sale. I'll probably read scripture, celebrate my loving relationship with God, and get over the fact that once again I am alone. It's part of life and it doesn't matter. I highly doubt I'll fall in love at a tea or coffee shop, Maybe at a book store though!! ;) 

Facebook break

So I'm trying to stay of Facebook for a while, at least mostly. I've gotten on a little to reply to some stuff, to post my blog posts, or have sent stuff from instagram and timehop to facebook. But for the most part this week from Facebook has been a success. I've just been tired of the drama and the reminder that so many lives are moving on when I've been stuck where I am for so long. Instead of being bitter and dwelling on it I decided to take a break from facebook and it's actually really helped. Not a lot of people talk to me when I'm taking a facebook break, so I've had a lot of time to just reflect.

If I know a friend is going through something and feel like I should be encouraging or if I see I have a facebook message I will and do get on to be there for the friend or respond to the message. Or if I need to talk to someone I'll get on to do that, but most of my days are spent away from facebook.

It's been a week today that I decided to do that and I think I'll be away for a few more days maybe weeks.

I def recommend a facebook break to everyone and I'm actually considering doing a facebook break for a month or so. We'll see what I decide but I'm just done with the drama and insults that come along with facebook when you are on it all the time and reach out to people. I'm ready for a new life. :)

Chocola-tea

So There was a Chocolate walk this passed Saturday and I want to share about it.

This year my mom and I went with a friend of mine and her daughter. It's a time when we get to walk around all the stores in a downtown area, and they give out free chocolate as we look around their store. It was lots of fun. It's in memory/honor of my mom's friend and once upon a time boss that died a few years ago from cancer. So we go every year and enjoy it.

This year there was fun times and lots of conversation and good chocolate. Yum... I loves my chocolate.

There is not much else to say about it so this will be a short and boring post but hey I'm happily eating chocolate so what does it matter :P lol

Hello Kit-teas

I love tea puns. Really. Can't you tell?

So it's Sunday Morning, just after 9:30 am, which means I should be either getting ready to head out the door, or should be already at church in my Sunday School class, but I am not. I am at home. I woke up, took my thyroid med and waited the allotted time. I'm sitting here with my tea, read my daily quote, wrote in my daily Austen Journal,  and started listening to my worship music. Now I'm writing on my blog for my kit-teas to read. lol

Why am I not at church this morning? Well it's not secret that I'm not cut out of the same mold as a lot of Christians, a large majority of them I don't fit in with. I'm one of those Christians that gets the weird looks for having a different belief system. Don't care. I listen to the Spirit as He guides me, not the whisperings of my "Christian family" and they condemn me.

There are two types of Christians specifically that I'm thinking of today those that go to church faithfully every Sunday that think if you miss a Sunday you must have fallen away from God and need their prayers. The same people that freak out because you no longer take communion since you are allergic to gluten so you MUST be struggling on your Christian walk... Something is wrong and if they don't pray for you ALL is lost!

Then there are those that have been hurt by the church the ones that hold the following quote by Gandhi near and dear: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! OUCH!!!!

I fall closer into the second category. I have been so hurt by so many Christians who THINK they are doing right but end up just... not being like Christ at all. I'll be honest, I've also been that Christian. Not moments I'm proud of but they've happened. Anyway, the point is... when you are hurt by the church you don't want to be part that community. I've become very hard and closed off towards the church. I still go because Going to church isn't about the other people for me, It's about God, it's about "Being the change I wish to see in the world" another Gandhi quote. It's about being an example to others, to be a Christian who is Christ-LIKE which is what a Christian is supposed to be.

When you recognize that you've been the Christian you shouldn't be proud of, apologize and make it right.

Remember it's okay not to go to church just keep yourself and your relationship with God in check and witness to others, in other places. Be the Change. Be the Christ-like Christian.

Signing off for now,
-Tea Lady Lynnea.