Think Before You Speak

I have spent my whole life judged, misjudged, over judged... you name it, it's annoyed me.

No matter what I do people have a problem with who I am as a person. Do I care? No, not really but it is annoying. Not for me but because I know that if they are doing it to me they are doing it to others as well, and the others they are doing it to may not be able to stand up for themselves like I can.

I'm overly honest about my brain disorder, thyroid disease and other struggles in life. I also know in the long run that everything is going to be okay. I do not talk about it because I want to but because I believe God has called me to a purpose of honesty. My life, as with anyone else is an example and who am I to, stop God from using the story He has given me?

I had a recent conversation with a friend that  I cannot get off of my mind. It honestly broke my heart, mainly because I know many people feel this way about me. That I'm overreacting about my brain disorder. So I figured this was as good a place as any to explain things.

Have you ever had an issue that you had to live with every single day? One, in which, on the outside you looked normal but on the inside everything was a struggle, you don't know how to ride a bike, tie your shoes properly, and you trip over AIR? It effected your thought process, your spelling, how you do math, and some days are fine while other days just SUCK, your anxiety causes such issues that it's hard for you to work a job in retail or food industry. You know people that have offered others jobs but they wont offer you one because they think you are being dramatic when all you are doing is trying to find your level of living as normal as possible.

I'm not going to lie, I can take care of myself, I can cook food, I can work jobs I've had years of training in or things that just come natural. I'm HIGH FUNCTIONING for a reason. But I still have issues. Just like everyone else. And also just like anyone in my position it gets really tiring to hear people get annoyed or see people roll their eyes at me because they think I'm making stuff up or being over dramatic. You DONT live with me, you ARENT me, Don't JUDGE me and you need to CHECK YOURSELF before you call yourself a CHRISTIAN if you are going to judge me. That goes for ANYONE in a position like mine...

I hear people say "Love God. Love People" Here is the thing about that, we're called to love people the way God love's us. God doesn't pick and choose who He loves. He loves us ALL. And He would NEVER roll his eyes at someone who is sharing their story when they repeat stuff.

Also, there is a boy in my class who repeats things all the time about his struggles and his aspirations, no one complains about him, they smile and are so proud of him. Why not be like that with everyone else?

If you don't think before you speak you alienate people and then you have good people ready to walk away from things they shouldn't be walking away from.

Love don't judge
Listen don't speak
Hug don't hurt
and remember that when you do say something choose your words wisely because other wise you'll be the reason someone gives up on God and I don't think ANYONE wants that on their track record.

Musing From A Wounded Minister

I started going to church when I was 2 weeks. I felt the call to become a Christian at age 6 but I wanted to be sure. I waited 2 years. At age 8 I asked God into my heart and life, getting baptized that same night,  Saturday, July 16th 1994. 

As the years went on I was involved in music ministry, co-leading a children's choir, I also sang with my father. When he died I sang with some of my friends from church. For about a year I ran from God's calling to go to a Christian University. I went to OCU for 5 years. 

During the orientation week we picked out majors. When I was first accepted at OCU I was supposed to do a music ministry major. I change my mind realizing that's not what I wanted, and switched to an undecided which meant I would get my gen ed and Bible Courses done for an associates and then transfer. That day though I met someone who worked for the school. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He told me something I already sort of knew "you are meant for ministry" then he did something that I didn't agree with at ALL. He changed my major to missions. Now I LOVE missions. I would love to do more missions trips! But missions is NOT my calling. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. But me being in ministry, that was not such a stretch. So I took the next year and prayed about it. Opportunities opened up and I realized God was calling me into Youth Ministry. 

I'll be the first to tell people I fought God on it. My best friend from college, Stephanie will tell you as well. I went to a Southern Baptist Church. Women were NOT ministers. However I also have a huge background of family in the ministry. Great-grandfathers, grandfathers, uncles, and even my father was a deacon and music minister! It's in my blood, and in my heart. So finally after fighting God I realized that I couldn't run anymore, that I didn't want to. Youth Ministry was it for me. I've always been good with kids, and had a heart for God. I have experience of tough stuff that has happened, and I wouldn't allow any youth to go through crap alone if I could help it. So that was it, it was me and youth ministry for the next 4 years. 

Then I graduated. I prayed and God laid it on my heart not to be a volunteer youth minister. This is a conviction that has gotten a lot of icky comments. It's okay to volunteer I'm not saying that but as a person who has their degree in youth ministry it's not a good idea but often times when you volunteer you'll never get out of that. Just like everyone else I need a job. God has not called me to VOLUNTEER in youth ministry. He has called that to be my profession. There is a difference. This conviction had moments of confirmation by 6 people in my life as well and I'm not going to stray from what God has laid on my heart no matter who asks me to. Instead of judging, I ask that people understand that. 

So now I'm in the real world. I have been asked to leave either politely or forcefully from churches because of my youth ministry degree, I have been treated wrongfully because of my conviction. I have been told I will not be hired not only because of my GENDER but also because of my MARITAL STATUS (single)

I LOVE that people reject me for the things that God knew when he called me. God knew he was calling a female who was single. God also knew I would still be single when I graduated. 

I gave this back story to show the Church has wounded me. However God has given me a heart for the church as a whole. I keep going back. Abused by the church but I just can't quit because God loves the church and He wants ME to love the church, why because I am PART of the church. 

Do I want to give up? Give in? Leave? Quit? ALL. THE. TIME.

Has the church helped me anyway? No not really. God has.

But it's like I have said before Christians are no longer what they are supposed to be. Christian's no longer means to be Christ like. That doesn't mean ALL Christians are like that. There can be a church of 150 people that has about 3 Christ-like people in it. Or maybe 5 or even 10 but those people often fall through the cracks, they are often unnoticed, forgotten. It's not because they don't do anything for other Christians, they do. It's just that they are in a sea of people that make Christianity, a hypocritical thing. 

Think about it. Which spectrum are you on? Are you one of the people that wound your fellow believers? Are you the wounded? Or are you in that small spectrum of people that go unnoticed? OR are you a wounded one that goes unnoticed? 

I wish I felt like doing ministry but I don't I still go to church but you wont see me working in one, I quietly mentor young women, but that is it. I all but refuse to work in the church. I wanted to be part of a prayer ministry but once again went unnoticed. So I stand silently, and I watch, I pray, and hope for change. One day my wounds will heal but until that day... We'll see. 

Falling In Love At A Tea Shop

Posted early for valentines day

Okay so the post title is a play on a song title. The song is Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg. I picked it because it's my Valentines post, but I'm pretty sure it will have nothing to do with this post at all. Fun still, so it's okay. 

Anyone that knows me knows I've never had a romantic valentine for valentines day, not really. I've had guys that said they were but then treated me like crap on Valentines day so they don't get counted. My parent's when I was younger and even my mom now were/are valentines to me. My single female friends and I used to do valentines stuff. I've even had Valentines dates with Jesus, where it's just me reading scripture, having a candle light dinner listening to worship music. It's all nice... and I don't regret it. I even used to be the girl that wore black on valentines day I've hated it and enjoyed it and maybe even loved it... but ultimately Valentine's day annoys me. 

It's just a reminder that while all my friends are off getting married, having babies and starting their life I'm sitting at home broke and alone.

Don't get me wrong, I've been watching movies about Valentines day, I'm even going to watch the movie Valentine's day tomorrow like I have EVERY YEAR since it was in theaters. But the song that I'll listen to on repeat is the J. Giles Band "Love Stinks" It's an amusing song and it has always been and will always be one of my favorites whether I am in love or not. 

Some may say I'm cynical but I think I'm a little bit of a realist. Will I wish people a happy valentines day? OF COURSE! Will I get anyone anything? Probably not, and if I do it'll be my mom and in all honesty it wont be until after when things go on sale. I'll probably read scripture, celebrate my loving relationship with God, and get over the fact that once again I am alone. It's part of life and it doesn't matter. I highly doubt I'll fall in love at a tea or coffee shop, Maybe at a book store though!! ;) 

Facebook break

So I'm trying to stay of Facebook for a while, at least mostly. I've gotten on a little to reply to some stuff, to post my blog posts, or have sent stuff from instagram and timehop to facebook. But for the most part this week from Facebook has been a success. I've just been tired of the drama and the reminder that so many lives are moving on when I've been stuck where I am for so long. Instead of being bitter and dwelling on it I decided to take a break from facebook and it's actually really helped. Not a lot of people talk to me when I'm taking a facebook break, so I've had a lot of time to just reflect.

If I know a friend is going through something and feel like I should be encouraging or if I see I have a facebook message I will and do get on to be there for the friend or respond to the message. Or if I need to talk to someone I'll get on to do that, but most of my days are spent away from facebook.

It's been a week today that I decided to do that and I think I'll be away for a few more days maybe weeks.

I def recommend a facebook break to everyone and I'm actually considering doing a facebook break for a month or so. We'll see what I decide but I'm just done with the drama and insults that come along with facebook when you are on it all the time and reach out to people. I'm ready for a new life. :)

Chocola-tea

So There was a Chocolate walk this passed Saturday and I want to share about it.

This year my mom and I went with a friend of mine and her daughter. It's a time when we get to walk around all the stores in a downtown area, and they give out free chocolate as we look around their store. It was lots of fun. It's in memory/honor of my mom's friend and once upon a time boss that died a few years ago from cancer. So we go every year and enjoy it.

This year there was fun times and lots of conversation and good chocolate. Yum... I loves my chocolate.

There is not much else to say about it so this will be a short and boring post but hey I'm happily eating chocolate so what does it matter :P lol

Hello Kit-teas

I love tea puns. Really. Can't you tell?

So it's Sunday Morning, just after 9:30 am, which means I should be either getting ready to head out the door, or should be already at church in my Sunday School class, but I am not. I am at home. I woke up, took my thyroid med and waited the allotted time. I'm sitting here with my tea, read my daily quote, wrote in my daily Austen Journal,  and started listening to my worship music. Now I'm writing on my blog for my kit-teas to read. lol

Why am I not at church this morning? Well it's not secret that I'm not cut out of the same mold as a lot of Christians, a large majority of them I don't fit in with. I'm one of those Christians that gets the weird looks for having a different belief system. Don't care. I listen to the Spirit as He guides me, not the whisperings of my "Christian family" and they condemn me.

There are two types of Christians specifically that I'm thinking of today those that go to church faithfully every Sunday that think if you miss a Sunday you must have fallen away from God and need their prayers. The same people that freak out because you no longer take communion since you are allergic to gluten so you MUST be struggling on your Christian walk... Something is wrong and if they don't pray for you ALL is lost!

Then there are those that have been hurt by the church the ones that hold the following quote by Gandhi near and dear: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! OUCH!!!!

I fall closer into the second category. I have been so hurt by so many Christians who THINK they are doing right but end up just... not being like Christ at all. I'll be honest, I've also been that Christian. Not moments I'm proud of but they've happened. Anyway, the point is... when you are hurt by the church you don't want to be part that community. I've become very hard and closed off towards the church. I still go because Going to church isn't about the other people for me, It's about God, it's about "Being the change I wish to see in the world" another Gandhi quote. It's about being an example to others, to be a Christian who is Christ-LIKE which is what a Christian is supposed to be.

When you recognize that you've been the Christian you shouldn't be proud of, apologize and make it right.

Remember it's okay not to go to church just keep yourself and your relationship with God in check and witness to others, in other places. Be the Change. Be the Christ-like Christian.

Signing off for now,
-Tea Lady Lynnea.

Wai-tea-ng

Waiting, or as awesomely put on this title of this post "Wai-tea-ng"

This is a tea obsessed blog because I'm a tea obsessed lady. and "tea" is just a fun pun word. "quali-tea" and so many other things go great with the word tea. That being said...

Who here LOVES waiting for things? If you raised your hand or said "me" you are amazing and I would love to borrow some of your patience. Also... I'm pretty sure you weren't born in the late 1900s- early 2000s. I'm been described as a very patient person by many of the people that know me. The truth about this is I'm patient when it comes to certain things. Others, not so much... I HATE waiting.

Have you ever made a cup of coffee or tea and been so impatient for it to finish brewing or steeping? You've craved it so much and finally you can have it, but you want it done NOW. Even with a Keurig it can't get done fast enough. Or simply putting a tea bag in the cup and waiting for that hot water to turn the color your tea is supposed to be for that perfect cup... wai-tea-ng is just... not fun. You want it and you want it now. And somehow one of two things happens. When you finally get to drink that coffee or tea it's the best cup in the world because you waited and it was worth it. Or the disappointment is so high and you no longer want it so it get cold and more likely poured out than finished.

Waiting can be the best thing in the world or the most disappointing. But it always comes with a lesson of "was it worth it or not" and maybe something else.

When I was 18 I moved in with my brother and it was a wonderful month of living with my brother and his family. Yes, only a month. 2 weeks in I called my mother and begged her to let me come home. I didn't feel like I was in God's will and I wanted out NOW. She made me wait two weeks. I did. Along the way I learned a lot about myself, about God, and about my mom.

Both God and mom wanted the best for me. God used that month to grow me and mom used it to show me that snap judgment decisions can hurt those around you (and sometimes yourself)

Still I came home, and I waited a year and got in to Bible college. Now I'm in a state of waiting that feels like it will never end. It also feels like I might be disappointed in the end. But that's the thing about waiting, you never know. That's the whole point.

I was reminded recently of Esther who had to wait... she had lots of waiting to do. She waited a year, getting beauty treatments that made the phrase "beauty is pain" come to life in a powerful way. She was chosen to be the new queen and she waited for God to show her why she was in that position. Then when her people, the Jewish people were threatened she waited, fasting for days, and God moved through her to save a nation of people. WOW.

Waiting might hurt, it might be a crazy mess but somewhere somehow the waiting will end and everything will work out. Do what you can as you wait, don't let your tea get cold. Drink up, and enjoy.

You are wonderful.

Camp and Tea

As I sit hear waiting for my yummy Lady Grey tea to steep so that I can transport my mind to the simple days, possibly to London, I listen to music and my thought process changes.

In February of 2001 my father was diagnosed with Leukemia. For 7 months I went through deep depression and had to grow up very fast. In May of that same year my mother broke her arm badly, so it was me and my two parents. During the summer between 9th and 10th grade I longed for an escape, so when school started back I was so excited. It became my escape from my home life of taking care of my parents, not sleeping well because I would stay up late and cry. Then September 2001 came around and my dark world got even darker. My father died. I was devastated and angry at God.

I remember the countless shouting "matches" where I shouted at God and let him have it. Wondering why he took my dad, how he could do that to my mom and I, and what he was going to do to us now. 3 years went by, I was doing what I could to make God as angry at me as I was at him (of course I know that makes no sense but not much does when you are depressed and angry.)

Then In June of 2004, just after I graduated High School my grandfather, the new male influence in my life that took up that torch after dad died, got very sick. At this point my anger had eased and I was looking for answers in a much calmer fashion. Somewhere in the midst of all of this I found Jeremy Camp's music. I also had bought his dvd "In 24" and heard his testimony about his first wife who died of cancer in 2001. It was in that moment, learning his story and realizing mine that I called out to God. I asked Him to help me come back to Him. My grandfather was sick and I wanted to be there for him. So I had a church Hymnal that I took when I visited my grandfather and I would sing to him. I even asked a family member that wasn't close to many of us to sing with me.

My heart was slowly healing, and I knew that God was using Jeremy Camp in my life. I joined his street team and message board. Through the years I haven't been as involved in his ministry but there are still those songs that bring me comfort and healing.

For Christmas this year my Aunt bought me a cd with four of his new songs, pre-ordering the whole new cd for me. It came out yesterday. I'm going through a very hard time right now being rejected from yet another job, not knowing what to do with my life, having major writers block and meeting a great guy but only being friends with that guy, then struggling with the whole Celiac and being accepted thing. Finding a new wonderful church and not being able to go to it right now... Even the small things have been getting me down. But I listened to this cd and it's just been a blessing in my life.

Songs like He Knows: This song talks about the pain and doubt we experience in this life and how God knows, He knows all of it. It talks about lifting our eyes to the One who knows. This song is powerful simply because knowing someone is out there that knows our pain, that will listen, that will support us as we fall to our knees... WOW.

We Are The Dreamers: This song is about the Christians dream, A dream of others coming to Christ, of seeing miracles. It calls us, the dreamers to rise to our feet and proclaim the name of Jesus. It's a wonderful anthem for Christians as the want to follow Christ.

Christ In Me: This one is calling Christ to be in us, to have our focus be on Him so that others focus on Him when they see us. It's a great song for anyone looking for the Holy Spirit to live in them.

Same Power: Ah! This is one of my favorites... it's a beautiful picture of Christ followers coming together. It talks about the Same Power that did all those miracles in the Bible lives in us. Beautiful!!

Here I Am: "You are waiting for us to move" Is the start of this song. This one is about a person telling God "Here I am" Saying we're there to do His will. Another favorite of mine.

Other songs on this album that are just as wonderful are: Living Word, I Will Follow (You Are With Me), Finally Home, 'Til The End, Can't Be moved, Only In You.

If you are looking for an album that calls out to the different ways a person can fill sometimes this is the album for you. Beautifully written and amazingly song by one of God's warriors Jeremy Camp. Recommended by me.

Now to warm up that tea and get to drinking it.

You are amazing!